Hello. I woke up this morning afternoon to find out that my fursuit maker, Snap E. Tiger had passed away from a heart attack. He was 50 years old.

If you don't know, Snap is the brilliant mind behind ByCats4Cats. He'd been creating costumes for over a decade with over 400 creations to his name. Not only are his suits gorgeous, but they're tough as nails. It's not uncommon to find one of his suits at a con that's 10+ years old, looking fresh as the day it was unboxed.

In 2019, I struggled quite a bit figuring out my place in the fandom. I was finally out of college and started a "big boy" job. I found myself unable to keep up with everything happening in the furry world and became disconnected from the community. Then, the pandemic happened, and time slowed down. I was laid off from that job, and went on a new career path that offered me more time and flexibility. Slowly, but surely, I rediscovered everything about the fandom that I loved and cherished.

The stars aligned in 2020 when I finally had the money, means, and desire to finally pull the trigger on getting a fursuit. At this point, I'd been craving one ever since I first jumped headfirst into the fandom at 17 years old. That said, I knew I couldn't ask any ol' fursuit maker to create this for me. I didn't want to look a dog with a cat's paint job (IYKYK). I needed to find a fursuit maker who was an expert at crafting cats.

ByCats4Cats was a natural choice for me. The name says it all. I applied, got lucky, and managed to nab a spot in the queue. The whole process was smooth, and I was happy and confident that I was going to get the results I was looking for. Snap and I talked, and we agreed that the suit should be done before Midwest Furfest 2021. It would be my first furry convention since a disastrous Anthrocon 2019, and I was very much looking forward to having a better time. I paid the down payment and waited patiently.

2021 rolls around, and it becomes one of the toughest years of my life. A dear friend of mine, Karcy, passed away suddenly that May. Later that year, I get appendicitis and have a brush with death while waiting for my appendectomy. I also made the tough decision to finally move out of my childhood home and into an apartment. It was a lot. A lot.

Just when I thought more things couldn't go wrong, I get a text from Snap. He's in the hospital, and has to pause work on my fursuit. It becomes apparent that I won't get my suit for MFF 2021.

I had every right to be miserable at that con if I wanted to. Not only because of the fursuit, but because the entire year had been so damn rotten. But, I made an important choice. I chose to do everything I could to enjoy myself and the company of my amazing friends, despite things not going my way. That's what Karcy would have wanted, afterall. I had to have enough fun for the both of us.

In hindsight, it was extremely important for me to have one last con without the suit. I didn't know it at the time, but I needed to prove to myself that I can still have the time of my life without the costume. And I did. MFF 2021 was by far the best-con-to-date, at the time.

Just a few weeks later, a box arrived to my door. After craving a suit for nine, long years, I finally had one. I have to admit, there were some mixed feelings with the unboxing. I was excited, but I was a little concerned with how... rough he looked. His hair and eyebrows were all over the place and I didn't know what to make of it. Luckily, I was patient and optimistic. All I had to do was give him a little TLC with a brush and some hairspray. After a little work, his full glory was revealed to me. It wasn't instant, but I fell deeply in love with him.

Another challenge presented itself when I debuted him at New Year's Furry Ball 2022. I couldn't wear him for more than 15 minutes without needing a break in the fursuit lounge. I was terrified that I had made a terrible mistake. Thankfully, I didn't panic and gave myself some grace and patience. All I needed was a balaclava, a fursuit fan, and to build up some heat tolerance. Now, I can wear him for hours on end.

As 2022 marched forward, I wore him everywhere I could. I'd wear him at home to make TikToks, I'd wear him to friends' parties, and he's come with me to every single con after MFF 2021. I learned how to style him, giving him the right clothes, glasses, and an ice cream fan to munch on. It all works together to create us.

To me, my suit is more than a possession. Whenever I talk about my suit, I don't address him like an object using "it" pronouns. He's a character and he gets "people" pronouns. Every time I wear him, he becomes me, and I become him. He tells me who he his, and I tell him who I am. We merge into one being, greater than the sum of our parts. He is my love, he is my creativity, he is my passion, and I am his vessel. I vanish into him, and we become Bowser.

Among the wonderful gifts this suit has given me, he's also provided me with an unexpected family. I knew "fursuit families" were a thing, but the BC4C community really takes it seriously. It feels like at every con I go to, there's always someone organizing a family photo shoot, and I'll be damned if I'm not there. Every time I see a sibling at a con, I know I can approach them, and we'll make an instant connection. If it weren't for this family, I don't think I would have ever met Junir, Kzin, Red, and the countless other BC4C fursuiters who make my conventions so special. It breaks my heart to know that this family won't be growing any more.

Thank you Snap E., for all the wonderful gifts you've given me and our family. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

There's a selfish part of me that's scared now. If anything were to ever happen to my suit, I was always assured that I could reach out to Snap E., and he'd be able to help. If I ever had a question about fursuit care, he'd answer me immediately, and if my suit ever got lost or destroyed, I'd know the first person I'd contact to buy a new one. It's going to take time for me to parse through this anxiety.

My deepest condolences go out to the BC4C community and to Thor, Snap's husband. Thor, I'm wishing you nothing but love and comfort going forward as you mourn and process. An army of cats are here for you if you need anything.

The worst best part of wearing a fursuit, is no one can see you cry.
The best worst part of wearing a fursuit, is no one can see you cry.