We are in Shark Week now and I barley done anything this whole year. Actually, since a couple years ago, ever since I started working on a new job that is 12 hours a day. At first I thought I could pulled through, but as time went on, it's been draining me heavily to the point I just don't want to do anything but lay down and rest. While doing that, my mind will go crazy about wanting to do something but my body has small energy for me to get up and do something. What is more annoying is I am getting problems sleeping again where I have to force myself to sleep early or else my mind will go off and spiking my anxiety once awhile. How does that happen I have no freaking idea. To try to make this short, this job is draining me so bad, I barely done any art work, done a few SFM stuffs, and I couldn't enjoy stuffs even on my days off. Every day I wake up and head to work, come back to shower, watch TV (play games for awhile sometimes) then go to sleep. Rinse and Repeat until my 2 or 3 days off, whenever I do have enough energy I go do something, but it stresses me out because how days go by faster and faster to the point I feel like I can't do much for my life. I wake up like around 4 or 5 in the morning, clean around for a bit, eat breakfast then do life, in a blink of an eye later it's already 10 AM, then afternoon, then 5 PM and so forth and realize I gotta go to work 12 hours straight for 2-3 days, come home with barely time for myself and get ready for the next day.
That's another thing, this is also really fucking up my ability to sleep that I had to take melatonin sometimes, even that works 50/50 to my favor. I struggle and struggle to sleep only to wake up feeling like shit and had to go to work, and feel the anxiety wanting to come back to bite me in the balls to ruin me for a few days.
Man I miss being in the 20s where I can enjoy life whenever I can, sleep whenever I can and wake up whenever without giving a flying fuck. I may have been through so much family drama, work-releated stress and depression but at least I DO have plenty of time for myself and DO enjoy them, now that feeling is just not there anymore. Maybe it's my life choices, or just me in general, I dunno...
I just need a break for awhile and enjoy what I do without all the worries and anxieties punching me every time lol
Just a dumb personal rant, it's nothing really.