*sighs* Where do I begin... I blew it up sky high and allowed my insecurities to get the best of me and undermine those around me. For what; some desperate anxious attempt to seek for attention and sympathy and ease the anxiety of people not being interested in staying in touch or/and being around me? It turned out to be just a sick joke.
Man I really need to grow up. :(
I have been undergoing therapy and I have to admit; it has not always worked for me.
Though in the end, because of it, I did manage to change a LOT in some ways and understand myself better and what I can do to challenge the darkness such as my past demons and anxiety.
I am more or less sensitive around others and even what they think of me but what's the point?
Also, you know what, I have been stupid to take all the negativity to heart from the beginning while I was told it was not all personal and I failed to heed the advice from some good beans here.

EDIT: Perhaps radical acceptance may be beneficial for my issues. But for all I know, all of this is trial and error and processing what is going on. I let it all consume me for so long because I failed to aggressively pursue a therapist due to financial matters and insurance reasons. I became the thing I was afraid of becoming. *sighs* Having to deal with the feelings of social rejection and dwelling on the past sucks ass.