There was never a time we had an issue that we couldn't solve. I think time has always been something of a benevolent factor in our lives. It occurred to me late that maybe there was more to it than that. I could have done more and been a better partner. I made the call, because I'm the one who failed you. I was ambitious and tried to go beyond my means, and while it was one of the best times of my life, it was also one of the scariest and loneliest.

I have no family up here. I don't know anyone else but you. I've had to work at places with people I hardly knew, and it felt so unfamiliar. I drove thirty minutes there and back to work every day, and at the end of the week, initially, I drove an hour and thirty minutes to meet you, and would drive another hour back with you to come home… then do it again on Sunday. I can't express how incredibly taxing that can be in a person. I love to drive, and I love to drive to you, but at a certain point, even that becomes something of a chore.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to see you, I really did. It made me happy to be in the same bed as you, and even as I write this, I'm on your side. If I'm honest, I don't think it's as comfortable as mine, and if you were here I'd talk to you about it. We'd trade sides and laugh about it. It makes me very sad just knowing that we had something good.

I've been told that if you love something, you let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. You came back to me, and you were mine. I honestly wanted to make it last, but the longer I stayed, the more I realized just how much you would have to give up for me. That's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me. But we did it. We held each other in our arms and spent the time of our lives together, even if moment by moment. I hope you can forgive me… it's not easy, and I never wanted to make you feel like you did something wrong.

Should I have been invited to Thanksgiving? Yeah, it might have helped, but it made me realize there isn't anything quite like family. So I'm going home, and I know you wanted to come, but you aren't ready. You would have to give up your family, and your horse, and your life, to go somewhere beyond where you've been. It's a lot to ask of you, and so I hope in separating, you can build yourself to where you want to be, without having to lose what makes you happy.

I know I was that thing, but I can't afford to be. I don't know what will happen to me. And I need to know that if something were to happen, that you would be able to make it. I don't want you to have to worry. I'll still be here to help you, and be a guide when you need it. Even if you end up finding someone else, you said I taught you how to love yourself and to know what love is… so don't fall into the mistakes of the past. I trust you'll be great and if you ever need me, I'm never far away.

This is painful, and we were perfect. If in a few years, we find ourselves again.. if you're ready, don't hesitate to ask me again. Please. Let me know you're okay. Even if it's not with me, you deserve to be happy.