still alive. can’t say i’m particularly better off now than I was two months ago, I still have a lot I’m dealing with. but at least I’ve been busy doing actual productive things the past couple of weeks. so like, that’s something good.

i’m still pretty reluctant to fully return to any social medias or messaging apps at this point. i’ve become a bit of a lurker again, because I still enjoy furry content too much to NOT look at it. but being an active participant is really difficult despite my crippling loneliness. the prospect of making and identifying with a character is not something I can handle right now.

i spent the better part of a decade trying to cultivate an image for myself, online and irl, and i feel like i put all my eggs in the wrong basket. i intrinsically tied the value of my life to one aspect of myself, and after it didn’t pan out the way i wanted it to, i’m now left with nothing. my friends have gone on to do bigger and better things and i'm left with nothing. it’s going to take a very, very long time to rediscover what i’m passionate about, and it’s probably not going to happen while i’m still trapped living at home. nor will it happen while i still have this pink lizard as the face of my identity.

I guess the point of this update is, I’m still a confused, lonely mess tryna figure out what to do with my life after making extremely poor judgments on what to prioritize. I’m sorry if y’all expect me to draw more, that’s not my focus right now, and it won’t be for a while (if ever again).