Whenever I look at someone else's success I imminently want to go and delete all of my own success.

Its fucking painful when I realise what I am doing. I want to punch myself.

I want to scream at people. I want to just want to be forgotten because its going to happen one day right? Why not now?
I really wish something would come into my life and give me some purpose. Because I have lost mine. I don't care if I got hit by a bus tomorrow. Only 5 people in the world would, I doubt the rest would.

I understand that everyone has their own lives. I know that if I want to be somewhere I have to work for it. But after realising that I could just get by without working hard. Oh its just so easy to give up on everything. Its so easy to just live a life where all I do is sit and play video games. Go to work and back. Nothing meaningful. Nothing exciting. I FUCKING HATE IT. But I am contempt with it.

Maybe one day someone who knows me will read all of this shit.

But doing so right now made me stop deleting stuff.

I don't know if its good or not.

And no, I dont have money to see someone. I aint gonna tell them my life story. FUCK OFF.

This shit has been going on for over 7 years now.

Back then I kept trying to do more. But when I did I got ripped off and fucked around. Why is there something inside of myself that makes me want to do it now. Is it that I miss it?
How can I miss being ripped off. I have at least $100,000 not in my bank account. Money that should of been paid to me, many years ago.

I imagine the life I could be living if I didn't work for those people. If I saw the signs and stood up for myself, I wouldn't have this hex debt. I wouldn't have this pain of living by week by week. I wouldn't be so fat and ugly. The only things that keep me happy is food, pepsi max and video games. I FUCKING HATE IT AND NO ONE IN MY LIFE IS ABLE TO HELP ME OR WANTS TO HELP ME. My two fat ass housemates wont go out and do things with me. They would rather go out and play games or sit at home all the fucking time and play that one fucking video game they always play. I have tried every now and then for the past 3 years but no. Now I am a 120kg fat ass that has ingrown toenails.

How the hell have I had money to feed myself while also barely paying rent? I dont understand it. What do I do?

What the fuck do I do?

But yeah, should I just go and hit delete? Stop doing things?
I doubt people would care in... 2 years?

I did that thing I keep telling myself to do. Its something I said back in my first post on this website. Why did it feel so good?
Though one of them wont take my stuff down. I might just copyright takedown everything. Its quicker and easier.

I hate myself so much.... i dont know why.