I was going to post about this on twitter, but didn't seem like I could say this in 280 characters, so an FA post will have to do.

Very few people understand just how competitive I can be. Lately, I've been finding myself feeling more and more competitive with my lab group in certain ways. And don't misunderstand, I don't wish them ill, I don't want to see them fail. I want all of us to succeed, and I'll help out everyone as much as I can. I just...I want to succeed more, or at least first.

And for a rare time in my life, I don't particularly care that I feel that way. Yeah, I'll say it, I want to be the best. I want my advisor to think of me as his top student. I want to get a prestigious post-doc, I want to land a faculty job, I want to publish and be cited in top journals. I want it all to happen because I do meaningful science that advances our knowledge as a race. I think I'm capable of this, and I want to fulfill that potential. For a variety of reasons, years ago, I dug myself a hole that I'm finally starting to dig my way out of, and to see the light of day, to know that I somehow salvaged my capabilities out of the mess I made in college...fuck yeah it feels good.

I just wanted to get that out there.