I don't really use FA anymore, but a few people I know mainly use this. Anyway, on Saturday (02/06/2018) I had to put my dog down. She was approximately 14 years old, give or take a few months. She had cancer that started out as a lump on her belly. It soon started to spread to various spots on her belly. She wasn't in any pain. It was only a few months ago that we received word from out vet, saying that the cancer had spread to her spleen, but still wasn't a huge worry. She went to the vet sometime last month for a checkup. The vet was worried about a potential blockage in her bladder. We didn't hear back from the vet, so we naturally assumed it wasn't anything serious. Last Friday (01/06/2018), she ate her breakfast, like she normally would. I took her outside later in the afternoon so she could do her business. I went back inside and did a few bits and pieces before I went back out to pick her up and take her back into my room so she could rest. I assumed she had done her business. Later that evening, she had tried to do her business, but not matter how hard she tried, nothing was coming out. I was providing light for her so she could somewhat see, since that she was mostly blind and deaf. I was a bit worried, so I told my mum what happened. This isn't the first time my dog had done something like this, so we put it down to her being constipated. She didn't eat her dinner. Just before she goes to bed, she usually has a Schmacko. She didn't want it. She would rarely never want it. It was her favourite thing to eat.

During Friday evening, I could hear strange noises. I figured it was my mum throwing up, since she had a gastro bug and had been throwing up for the good part of two days. I kept hearing the strange noises every now and then throughout the night. I went to bed about 6:00am-6:30am. I was woken up by my mum only a few hours later, saying that she was taking the dog to the vet, because she had been howling in pain all night. My mum had said that the dog was probably going to be put down. My mum brought my dog into my room (She slept in my mums room) and placed her on my bed. I could tell that she wasn't comfortable and in was in a tremendous amount of pain, as she tried howling but could only make the tiniest little squeak. I picked her up and gave her a bit of a cuddle, whispering, "Not like this." I carried her down to the car, placed her in the passenger seat, still whispering, "Not like this." as I closed the car door. I started to close the garage door as my mum drove out of the driveway. I broke down into tears once I had closed the garage roll-a-door.

Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours. About an hour and a half later, I heard her car pull into the driveway, promptly followed by the sound of the garage door opening. Once she had parked the car and closed up, she walked up the stairs and into the kitchen. I was refilling a water bottle at the time and noticed my mum putting my dogs blanket on the back of a kitchen chair. My immediate thought was, "Oh, she must be staying at the vet for a little bit. Hopefully they can figure out what is wrong with her.", at least until I saw my mum put the collar and leash on the kitchen table. That's when it hit me. That is when I realised that she was gone. Forever. My mum told me that the vet had done an X-Ray on my dog and found that her bladder and her intestines were completely blocked, which would explain the noises I had been hearing the night before. The vet tried a few things to help coax things along, but to no avail. He told my mum that he could use a very fine needle to pierce my dogs bladder, but she would have to come in every few days to empty out her bladder. I spent half of yesterday crying. To the point where my eyes were red and sore. I'm fairly certain that my mum was in the same situation as I was.

It's only been a day since my dog had been put down, but it honestly feels like an eternity. I've caught myself leaving the back door, leading into the backyard, and the door leading into the garage open for her. Only to realise that she isn't here. I also went to my sisters place today for lunch. When my mum and I got home, I found myself looking into my mums bedroom window, since that is where my dog would stay when we weren't home. She would stand on a bedside table and look out the window. I was expecting to see her, but no. She wasn't there. As I type this, I have tears streaming down my face. It's hard to accept that she is gone, but that is really all I can do.

What else can I say? It sucks. It really fucking sucks. I miss her.