So I've struggled to draw for a while. I was doing sort of all right a couple years ago, then my life collapsed repeatedly and I've not been able to get back to where I was. Once there was a week where I drew a YCH every day for like five days straight. Now I struggle so badly with composition and remembering how to do anatomy right that it feels impossible to do anything for anybody on any timetable.

The reason I've been focusing on music and calligraphy is that those are what I can still do without overwhelming, debilitating shame. Drawing is harder now than it was then, and I don't know how long it will take my mind to heal from what I've been through. Even just controlling the shaking in my hands is harder because the PTSD is worse now.

I cannot give any ETA on the YCHs. I don't know how long it'll be before I feel ready to draw for others again. For now, what I dare to draw, I need to draw for myself, so that I can heal. I used to think that maybe I could draw enough for others that maybe if I focused on it as a full-time thing I'd be able to do it consistently and reliably, but...then my life collapsed again, and I couldn't do it. I don't know what I'll do now. Build tube circuits that make weird noises while I lick my wounds and try to survive, I guess.