My last journal was what feels to be ages ago and a lot has happened. Big things:

-Changed jobs, had a ton of stress and trouble for most of it, but it's turned out to be really good now
-I came out to myself as transgender non-binary and to my wife
-I came out at work and then was outed by my wife to her family, then my family
-I learned how to express myself through clothing and it turns out I'm amazing at it now that I've stopped pushing myself to follow someone else's standards that don't apply to me
-my wife quit working and taking classes because of a mysterious chronic illness and I took leave to care for her
-she asked for an open relationship as little less than a year ago because she stopped being attracted to me.
-In March she demanded we sell the house and get divorced and insisted that her illness was my fault and that she could do more on her own than with me.
-I realized she'd been taking advantage of me, had manipulated me and kind of abused me, didn't appreciate me giving everything I could, and yet wouldn't have let me go if I hadn't discovered how to be myself and caused her to want to leave.
-Did most of the moving and prep work to get the house ready for moving (she picked out the pretty stuff and bought it and sat around the house while everyone else watched the kids, worked on the house, and worked all day for several months)
-Sold my house and am filing for divorce and working out the details with the kids and already realizing that my life is so much better.
-Still working out details and taking time to heal right now, getting involved in my community for support and connection, realizing I'm way to hecking queer for someone like her, and starting to rebuild my life and find new direction.
-Strongly considering HRT, but many steps to go before starting