My website: feher.carrd.co

heyoo, thought I'd share how I feel and how things are looking for me recently
- I'm doing... okay, I just hope it'll explain more or less my rare frequency with new arts, comms opening and interacting with anyone.



my main struggle for a long while now is that I can't find a job for various reasons (health condition, fears, and generally looking for a job turning 180 degrees - being in disadvantage for those who seek for them)
I'm trying to do something about it - I started therapy 2 years ago but as much as I'm sure I have the right person helping me - I feel like I'm not being good at using that help to improve as much as someone else could already do at my place probably... they helped me organize some stuff in my mind, that's for sure! but my main struggle with getting a job is still being worked on till today, and prolly not going to change anytime soon unless some miracle happen I guess

and when it comes to my arts - you can make a right conclusion that it's being my main source of any income rn, it's not enough to live with it, but it's definitely better than nothing. but it also entails it fluctuating with getting more and more towards the feeling of being burnt out of doing it with a mindset "you need to finish comms to 'survive'" (just an example of my critical thinking - I'm not being completely helpless in case of bad things happening, don't worry)
so to be honest with you all I feel like I need to change something to not completely lose my motivation to draw with passion instead of doing it purely for money - I'm planning to focus on working on arts in themes that are in my range of interest and more liking at the moment; I think that'll make me calmer that final piece will still have passion included in it and will be worth the money someone wants to spend on it (I really appreciate there are still new people that are interested in getting something from me, and also people coming back for more arts which I really enjoy working with too <3)
I'm sorry if that'd possibly make some of you not able to get something from me for now - I hope you'll understand my final decision about taking your commission or not ^^'

it's also worth noting a bit more extended times of me working on commissions and definitely a long queue that (I always give a warning about it) might take a few weeks or more to make me start working on your slot. I appreciate it didn't bother anyone currently waiting for their piece
I just want to say sorry it's being like that recently, I really struggle to keep my mood and feelings in tact everyday and I'm trying to make progress anytime I have that right mindset to give my best to the piece I work on
having a slot in my queue will never be paid so I hope it makes the wait a bit more fair in case someone would change their mind and isn't able to commission me anymore after waiting too long ^^'

and when it comes to my poor interactions - even with me struggling with my mood and feelings I'm just generally having problems about it;
I always considered furry community a really comfortable place and I still do, definitely helps me feel cozier than with complete strangers, but I still don't have the courage to interact with people in comments or reposts on other social medias; I definitely appreciate all those people that were respectful and approached me through DM's in the right way to eventually end up being really good people or even friends to chat with ^^ (but getting completely random DM's or friends invites without any context or random nsfw comments and interactions will just never work, I'm sorry)
I kinda hope to feel more comfortable in places like my Telegram channel or my Discord server, but I'm still in the mindset of observing and letting be pulled if someone pokes to ask or say something - I can't demand anything from anyone cause it's my problem I'm being like that, but it definitely helps me make some more steps towards being more common active in those spaces :p
(also as a side note - I really appreciate my Guild Wars 2 experience is being even nicer after joining [CAGE] guild - being randomly poked with emotes or jumping together from people I dunno anything about but they're the same charr enjoyers as me and they're often a really kind furries - it's really nice and was also giving me courage to say hi or thank for help with stuff I do ^^ if there is anyone from [CAGE] reading it and found me in game - make sure you most likely made me smile ^^)



anyway - sorry for a bit of venting and a wall of text, but I think it's fair to share something more about myself that will hopefully let you understand the current state of my art process and rare gallery uploads ^^
I also think it's a great moment to thank all my current 15 patrons that support me (some of them even since 2021!) I'm not sure if it'd be alright to share your names in public but feel free to share it in comments if any of you want to ^^ (might just edit this journal and give a dedicated thank you message later x3); I really appreciate all the support cause it all helps me every month to worry a bit less ^^

I really appreciate if you read all of that and hope you'll have a great day or cozy sleeps ^^