This is as good a time as any to explain my healthcare situation in more detail since I'm already in the red, hopefully this helps put into perspective why I've become such a recluse.
Since around halfway through last year, my medicaid was repealed without warning. Medicaid is a state healthcare program that covers most (in my case, all) clinic visits and prescriptions. In most parts of the country, it is available to those of very low income or through disability. At the time, I was urged by my social workers from my specialty clinic to apply for a marketplace healthcare and get the insurance premium paid through applying for grants I was eligible for through my debilitating condition, so I did. That would've been the end of it, however pretty much a month or two after I had qualified for one such grant, they changed the qualifications of who was entitled to such assistance due to their own budget constraints, which left me no longer eligible, though I was continuing to receive the support for a few more months until the changes went into effect, so we had to plan ahead for that. So I was urged to apply for another, similar grant from a different foundation (mind you, both of these facilities function entirely off of donations) that was initially helping with copay assistance. The results were frustrating to say the least as they would take weeks to reply on simple correspondences when demanded proof of my low income, proof of which I provided multiple times but they kept asking for something marginally different that I had to get others to sign, notice and correct a clerical error on their end, et cetera, and often times I would receive notifications to do things way late in advance to begin with since they only wanted to notify me through the mail. All of this ultimately led to me not qualifying before the application cutoff date, and despite multiple assurances that I could continue to send the information they were requesting, it took several months later until one worker who was confused as to why my case was still going to investigate and the reason turned out that me being able to send past some time into November was ultimately for nothing because all the grant money had been allocated by that time. So, at this point we were out of options and I was looking at not being able to get my meds in December and January, but a friend offered to help cover the remainder of my first bill that wasnt fully covered by my previous grant - which at this point was going out of effect. And when it did, I was left to dry, and at this point both my social worker and lawyer seemed to be getting to the bottom of the barrel in what advice they could give me. I didn't even get this month's worth of prescriptions because my pharmacist decided to wait until my insurance ran out for some reason to try processing it despite me calling a week in advance to avoid that. My healthcare plan is around $600 each month (it was 660 last year and has fluctuated down this year) and I have no reliable way to pay for it. I don't even qualify for discounts on the premium either either because that demands making $1700 a month, and I can't work more than 20 hours a week without sabotaging my ongoing disability case. Oh, and let me explain how discounts for healthcare work in the rest of the country. If you're low income (Making around $1700 a month but not enough to enter the next tax bracket), you get discounts on your healthcare insurance premiums but if you make even less than $1700, you are considered to be critically low income and qualify for medicaid. I'm in one of the few states where if you make less than $1700, you get nothing and are treated the same as if you can afford a full premium as they only extend Medicaid to pregnant women or people with disabilities. I have a disability application being processed and help from a lawyer familiar with my condition but that could take up to 2 years to resolve, notwithstanding the rumors that they're trying to make it even more difficult to qualify and I've been trying since I turned 18, every time I try to work I end up getting much more sick. Mind you, the last time I tried working a full time job I nearly got hospitalized again from how badly it had affected my health and that was the best paying job I had and still wasn't realistic to cover my healthcare insurance bill each month. (that'd be like, one entire check, half of my monthly income just for my meds is not a realistic situation). If you're wondering how I was still on medicaid despite not having a disability for several years now, my state passed a bill that extended the invitation of it to people with my condition (Cystic Fibrosis) during the pandemic but that bill had expired in 2024 and during my first disability case review I was still under it, but it had lapsed for a few months between that time. From the last meeting I had with my social worker and lawyer, their advice seemed to be between "move somewhere else" (unrealistic), "Get a job working 20 hours a week but you cant go over a single hour" (I don't have a problem with this but I also don't have reliable commute, and even then most jobs working that few hours wouldn't qualify me for discounts so most of my income would just be toward medication), or "Cancel your current insurance plan and we'll try to petition the drug manufacturers to send it to you for free" (There are way more risks to this than I like, if I got sick in the intetrim without insurance I would personally be in debt for any medical expenses, and without insurance coverage good luck lol). To be perfectly transparent, someone close to me is insisting on paying the bill for this month but understand that I am only complicit in this arrangement because there is no other immediate option and it's honestly a nightmarish situation for my being in this position even putting them in that position. I do not think it is sustainable, and it dreads me deeply for either option.

So, that's it.
tl;dr: I have a debilitating condition. I will die slowly and miserably without medication. I have no consistent or feasible way of getting that medication because all facets and systems of the government where I live have failed me and the insurance premiums for the specialized care I need are too high for me to afford, with many of the alternatives unrealistic (moving somewhere else, getting a remote job to put almost all of it's pay into just getting my meds) or utterly nightmarish for me (living without insurance coverage and not being able to be seen upon getting sick without getting in debt for the rest of my life, and feeling indebted to someone for literally paying for me to be alive)

If you're on my page because you're interested in buying music, I'm sorry to say that I don't think I will be taking any new commission work in the near future. I find myself often too stressed and distracted to the point of mental paralysis to have the will to do much beyond the bare minimum anymore and any art I can motivate myself to make should probably be something I would like to work on. Thanks for reading.