Hey everyone,

As you probably know, it's been awhile since I have published content regularly. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly happened in my mind. Unsure if I have been just too overwhelmed with life happening or if I may have legitmately lost interest in a lot of macro/micro. It used to be I would get an idea for a story, plot it out, and have it live in under 3 weeks. The same went for commissions; I know a few of you are probably pretty disappointed in my turnaround time plummetting. This is one of many reasons I never accept payment until I have the rough draft ready with a target word count hit. If I am unable to deliver, at least then I won't owe you money, and you won't have been burned. Seems like a logical way to do business for me. With some bigger artists and fursuit makers burning people quite publicly in the last year, having funds collected for multiple projects and no work on any started, I'm reassured I've been making the correct decision for my operations.

That being said, I am continuing on the commissions I have already started. I've been chatting with you guys privately, on Telegram and Twitter, as I'm able to. If I have accepted your commission and started it (been sending you updates) it WILL be finished. Most projects that hit the 20-30% mark as far as wordcount goes have actually already been mapped out to ending in my head, or more likely on my scratch paper that I carry around with me in real life. (If you have ever seen it in photos during our conversations, it looks like an absolute, schizophrenic wreck! But it works for me in hitting all the important stuff.) It just takes me banging it all out on the keyboard... which, for many reasons has felt insurmountable in the last few months. Like trying to conquer an actual macro, lol.

For those of you that I don't chat with regularly, here's the big thing that happened this last year. I was dating a guy long distance for about a year, since 2022. We had regular visits; there were a few times I stayed with him about a month. Before we began dating, I was pretty up front with him in the sort of relationship I was looking for. I talked about dynamics, things I wanted to do in life, roles, the type of a sexual relationship I wanted, how we'd treat each other, how I express and feel love and want to be loved. Dude was on board with everything, wanted all *exactly* that. In hindsight, I realize he was doing something called "mirroring" in psychology. I'll spare you the definition for the sake of staying on topic; you can Google if you're interested.

Well, summer 2023, we decided to move in together. This was one of the many things I expressed I wanted when we began seriously talking. I said I did not want a long distance relationship, but I was open to one starting off that way if there was a specific goal of ending the distance and moving in together.

It began falling apart the first full week we were in that damn, new apartment together.

Over the next few months, things changed. I realized that this guy was simply not the person he said he was. Facets of his personality emerged that hadn't before. He began acting the exact opposite of how he'd said he would in many situations. Much to my dismay, I realized this was not someone I could depend on as a strong leader, protector and provider for our future together. The worst part was, it was all things he said he was and would do for us; just when the time came to actually do it, he didn't.

There was also the matter of, him deciding to move us not just that first time, but a total of three times within 6 months. I was looking for stability on the homefront, and yet someone who was also adventurous and passionate towards life, that could match pace with me while also having it more put together than I did, so that he could lead me. I got none of that from him, despite him telling me he was that person. He just was not. The frequent moves also wore so much deeper on my own psychological well being than I realized in the moment. After the last move, he was STILL planning yet another move this summer, overseas.

To be fair, at one point, I wanted to go with him on that overseas move... I just didn't want three moves before that. Or all of the other drama, wherein he kind of lied about everything he was. The worst part on the overseas move was, he was not willing to work and try to get settled: he instead was going to treat it as some work vacation, and after that he wasn't sure. This guy was 9 years older than me, and evidently having some sort of slow burning mid-life crisis. He didn't know what he wanted and was just kind of running around throwing money at things to see what made him happiest.

It was a major turn-off. Total bachelor behavior from someone that said they wanted me as boywife. Boywife wants security, stability, and protection dude. And he told you that.

There was also a big pattern of him not listening to me, or even hearing what I had to say, until it stared him in the face and it was too late.

Anyway, had he been more of what and who he said he was, I might have been willing to keep tagging along with him like that. But the core aspects of his personality were apparently built on... lies. He wasn't like, mean or manipulative in my face or anything like that. He just simply was not what he said he was. I think he wanted to be all those things but was just too lazy, unwilling to put in the work required to reap the results desired.

Without going any further into all that than I already have, I realized that I could not depend on this guy at all. It was not going to work out, and I had to do something for me. I could build another business (I've built three at this point, lol). But they'd all been fleeting interests of mine, not something I felt was truly worthwhile or full of meaning. Just things I kinda started doing and went all in on working on. I've always wanted to do something inspirational, something where I could make my mark on the world, and humanity, with a specific goal being that one day I was some young kid's inspiration for becoming who they wanted to become in life.

And thinking further, really the only things that have consistently held my interest ever since I first discovered them nearly 20 years ago are astrophysics, aerospace science, rockets and space flight. (I won a science fair in middle school for a research project mapping out how each layer of Earth's atmosphere stresses the space shuttle ensemble on its way to orbit. Parents kept me from advancing to the next level, and for many other reasons, mostly related to literally no access to math and science teachers due to homeschooling, I never pursued it.) To go anywhere with these fields, you need education, formal, higher education, something I'd never gone for fresh out of high school for many, many deeply rooted reasons. (I'd like to point out, I have never stopped educating myself, informally, on my own.) A big part of staying out of that was, I had to get far away from the psuedo-cult I was homeschooled into, which taught me to reject everything I was and wanted to stand for. I was also dependent on my parents, as far as federal funding was concerned, and there was no way I was going to go into debt for the garbage degree they were pushing me towards at the time.

So now, I'm independent from them, resident in a much better state for higher education purposes, and have realized there are actual paths to get where I want to go. I never realized there were, because I was homeschooled and had 0 access to career or college counsellors. I applied to several schools, didn't get in anywhere because, as it turns out, my entire homeschool education is worth nothing and completely unaccredited. Thanks mom! Not only did you instill me with hatred of myself, which I then spent 5 years deconstructing from, you also completely robbed me of formal educational opportunities.

Vengeance is best lived out through success in spite of it all.

So anyway, I have enrolled in community college. I've figured out how to navigate funding, class requirements, university transfer requirements for my major acceptance, and pretty much... everything, on my own. Never had counsellors or guidance for any of this, just my mom who knew... nothing, about how it all works today. Starting June 3rd and over the next 2 years, I am taking lower division classes with the intent of transferring to a large, public university, this time with an actually accredited transcript. It's going to be A LOT of math and science. The target major is aerospace engineering, because it's most employable, and then astrophysics will be my minor. I'd like to work in long distance space flight, orbital mechanics, and even communications research. There's a lot to discover as we fly further out into the universe, and there's going to be a growing need for relativity studies as craft become more computerized and time literally begins to warp, on the quantum computing level at least. I want to be a part of it.

And during all this, the dude I was dating still wants to head overseas for his psuedo-work vacation. I failed to mention earlier but this is not a work assignment he is doing for his career. This is literally something he just wants to do for himself, and his job has decided to let him go remote for it, and on a lower salary since he'll be abroad in another jurisdiction too. :) So I'm embarking on this, an actual goal, and he's still just wanting to head off on his own, not really giving a damn about me or what I do. Total indifference as long as he gets what he wants. There's no passionate love here.

So I left him. Just got a job, said this isn't working out and we're both just wasting time. He kicked me out last minute, despite saying that I could use our new place to get settled into school, even if we had broken up. I had to put my stuff in storage with 24 hour notice. It's whatever, I was prepared for that possibility.

I'm traveling over the summer while in online classes, but come fall my traveling stint will be over. I'll need to be settled in somewhere with roommates in the north Los Angeles area, where the school is. (Incidentally, if anyone reading this knows someone renting a room north of LA...) All the advanced math and science stuff is in person, plus I'll need to be networking for internships and extracurriculars and all that. I'm honestly looking forward to a real classroom with peers. I was homeschooled growing up, very isolated against my will, and the last few years have been working as I can online, always while on the move. I fucking hate the isolation, the moving around and all. I want a community of people and a sense of stability and direction.

This is all coming together because of a lot of work I've put into it myself. However, I am not doing it alone. Nobody does anything worthwhile completely alone. Even if you create some book or some YouTube thing online, you're still being supported by people somewhere.

I have come across some truly incredible people in the last few years, people that go out of their way to support me for no reason other than they want to help out and see me succeed. It is an incredible feeling to have found such awesome people. Some of them are furs, whom I love dearly for the connection and friendship we have. Others are professional business contacts, turned friends and mentors, that have no idea I'm actually a gay wolf online (I AM SMALL, BUT I AM NOT A COYOTE AAAA... I MEAN, AWOOOOO).

So anyway, that's what's been happening. I'm sorry for the lack of updates, commissions and original story ideas. I'm finishing what I've started, but I am closing down all further commissions. I simply don't have the interest to keep it all up with all the changes that are happening in my life. All stories will remain live - feel free to read and share them as much as you want! And the commissions will be posted once they're complete and approved by the client too.

I will, however, be regularly interacting with furries! Hit me up ANY TIME PLEASE I LOVE CHATTING WITH YOU GUYS and I'm always open to new friends. I actually made the mistake of trying on a friend's fursuit head about a month ago and exponentially magnified the desire to get one, at least so I can poodle and go to meets. (POODLING IS HOT, OKAY)

Follow me on Twitter, where I'll be much more active as opposed to here since commissions are closing down. https://x.com/garthywoof

Thanks for reading! That's what's been going on with me.

I'm not just gonna howl at the moon now, I'm gonna learn the math to fly there >:3