*x-posted from DeviantArt

I'll be back. Every artist and group I was watching is still on my list, though deviations, journals, etc. are turned off.

I know nobody's going to read this, but I want to tell you a story.

A long, long time ago, there was an abused, socially-maladjusted kid called Gloomy. Gloomy spent most of her twenty-two years hiding from people because people had done nothing but hurt her. She also spent most of her life lazy. Nothing was ever expected of her and so she never made anything of herself. Gloomy never tried anything new, never pushed herself, never evolved.

Then, one day she met the Pilot.

The Pilot was her professor, and he soon became mentor and friend. Slowly, but surely, he coaxed Gloomy out of her shell and pushed her hard to be her best. Gloomy often lashed out. She made the Pilot out to be an enemy against which she was fighting by improving herself. But Gloomy was. . . well, gloomy. She didn't think she was capable of the things the Pilot thought she was capable of. So she groused and wasted most of a valuable experience.

This went on for almost two years. Things changed and the university proved to be a place of no opportunities. After receiving an offer too good to resist, the Pilot decided it was time to leave. Gloomy was done with most of her school work and there was nothing left he could teach her.

Gloomy was shaken. Shaken not because the Pilot was leaving--in fact, she was happy he was off to find a better job with more opportunities--, but she was shaken because she thought she'd have more time to say goodbye. And as she reflected on the two years past, Gloomy started to realize that she was more capable of doing amazing things than she'd ever given herself credit for. Gloomy realized she could make friends, could be successful, could be happy.

She thought she would have had more time to get her shit together, to actually learn.

But why did she feel so sad the Pilot was leaving? Wasn't he the enemy (in a good sense)? And that's when it hit Gloomy: she had never been fighting the Pilot. She'd been fighting herself. Had the Pilot known that? Gloomy didn't know what to think.

Tears filled her eyes as she thought of all the wasted time. She thought of what she could be now if she hadn't been such a jerk. But Gloomy knew in her heart that she had to grow up a bit and learn to trust people before she could start being the kind of person she truly was. Had the Pilot known that, too? It seemed to her he'd given up a long time ago. Maybe it didn't matter at this point. Life does have a way of moving on.

Still shaken, Gloomy swore that the Pilot's lessons would not be in vain. She would be successful. She would be happy.

The Pilot came into Gloomy's life at the point she needed him most. Now that she was at this point, she didn't need him anymore and it was time for both of them to move on.

The Pilot taught Gloomy that not all people were out to hurt her. He taught Gloomy that she could be much more. He made her believe that things were possible with hard work and persistence. He made her believe she was a good person and that she didn't have to suffer. So Gloomy began to prepare. She downloaded necessary programs, purchased necessary books, signed up for necessary programs.

The Pilot's mentorship would not be in vain. His time at the university would not be in vain. No, none of this would be in vain. Even as Gloomy felt the urge to slip back into isolation, into darkness, she said to herself, "none of this will be in vain."

It won't.

---

That's why I'm leaving. I have to dedicate as much time as possible to my studies. My mentor taught me so much, yet it seems like nothing stuck. But things did stick. I just never let him see. Now I want to let him see.

I want to do this for me, too. I want to be a new Gloomy. I want to feel competent and achieve my dreams. Sadly, art is not a part of these dreams. Art is something I love to do, but it's not what I see as a career, nor is it something I see as bringing in success, money, and happiness in, say, the next decade. I'll miss seeing all the awesome art here at DA, but I will be returning. I'm not sure when, but I'll be back.

Like the good guy at the last possible minute before the bomb goes off, I'll be back.