Posting this here since friends reading my LJ probably wouldn't understand :\

For the last several weeks, I've been changing myself, and now it's starting to catch up to me in ways that I can feel. I've been eating mostly vegetables and fresh meat. I've been running for anywhere between 40 minutes and two hours almost every day, and every day that I do, I just crave it more.

I said, I can feel myself changing. Not into anything, more like reverting back to who I was. I'm noticing smells that I've been missing lately, and becoming more and more aware. Of course my hearing isn't what it used to be, and never will be again (not on its own, anyway), but that's okay. I'm becoming aware again, and am more often picking up when someone is coming up behind me.

As I become healthier, I feel more feral, like I used to. I used to spend very little time in the house doing nothing. I used to be off running in the woods, swimming, hiding in the trees, tracking... And it feels so good. I find it really funny how my food cravings have been changing, too. The more fresh things I eat, the less fake things I want. I even tried a soda one afternoon and it brought no satisfaction at all. I've also been craving meat more than I used to. Not just, 'Mm, meat would be good for dinner,' but, 'OMG that raw steak looks absolutely perfect just gimme some salt I'll eat it as is!' And I have. Not whole steaks, but large chunks of my lamb and beef have been eaten raw before I cook the rest.

My mother says that since I've been suddenly so active, my body's remembering certain things that I've been ignoring and then forgetting. Like the fact that as a kid, I was anemic, and that to ebb the issue my mother would make very bloody steaks or cook me some beef blood. So I need more meat, more leafy greens, and red wine a few times a week. Sweet!

That will fix at least my craving for raw flesh in massive quantities, but I'm still left with the need to hunt and stalk things, as well as run and fight. And for these, there are no substitutes. <3