On Friday, one of my caregivers from rehab drove me to the apartment. It's a shared apartment owned by the Diakonie (a non-profit organization that serves the needs of the rehab community).
Another person is already there. The room I'm living in is very small, just 10.5 square meters. Only one electrical outlet works. One wall is damaged. There's no furniture in it. The ceiling light doesn't work either. No Wi-Fi either. I have about eight boxes of stuff.

We then went to Ikea for a quick bit to buy furniture. I had a strange feeling. I was very nervous. Shopping was a lot of fun, but my mind was elsewhere.
*Can I do this? Can I do this?*
One shopping trip and one hot dog later, we're assembling the closet in the apartment. We just manage to put the basic closet frame together before my caregiver has to leave again.
Later, I manage to put my bed together shortly before 11:00 PM. However, those round screws on the inside of the bed don't work. My bed feels wobbly, but it's holding up. I'm still proud.

On Saturday, I spend most of my time procrastinating. The refrigerator only works so-so. Some of the stuff that should have been in the freezer has melted.
I finish the drawers for my clothes closet. However, I sometimes had to take the plugs out and then put them back in the right hole.
I buy a bike on eBay classifieds for 45 euros and pick it up while I explore Augsburg. The district feels old in places, but otherwise, it's quite nice.
That evening, my negative thoughts overwhelm me.
I've never been in an apartment without supervision in my life. I'm scared. My ADHD is dominating me. My room looks like shit. I haven't put out any groceries or clothes. I'm a disaster. I can't manage my stuff on my own. I need someone to watch me so I can get off my ass. Chances are I'll starve to death alone because my appetite and hunger are completely out of sync, like they were back during my depression. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I want to go back. I want to go back. I can't do this-

*Dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding*

My grandma is on the phone. I answer.
“Arko! How are you?”
“Eh, it could be better. I'm in this new apartment in Augsburg. I'm feeling a bit alone... I don't think I can do this...”
“Oh, my poor thing... don't worry, it'll be okay...”
(Or something like that, my memory is at minus 3.)
“Have you talked to Mom again?”
“No. I've cut off contact completely. She calls sometimes, but I hang up.”
(Long story, I'm not going to squash it here.)
"Oh man... I mean, I understand you... what she did wasn't right... hopefully you'll get along again one day."
(Or something like that.)
"Okay, then I wish you all the best. If you need money, just let me know."
"Okay, thank you, Grandma. Love you."
"I love you too, Arko. Bye, honey."
"Love you, Chao."
"Chao!"
*Beep*

I'm feeling a little better.

Fast forward to Monday.
The doorbell rings.
I'm changing. I get a call from my case manager. He asks me to open the door for the plumbers (or something).
I go downstairs and check on them. Apparently, they got a kebab or something from the shop next door.
They go upstairs and tear half the place apart. Apparently, it's water damage. They also ask me about this intimate shower in the toilet, which they have to remove. I have no idea what that is, the thing you put something in Google Translate. Apparently, Muslims use it for their genitals.
I have no idea if my roommate is Muslim. He didn't look very, well, Arabic, but he's pretty hygienic compared to me.
Later, it turns out it was probably from the previous owner or something.
Okay, while they continue to dismantle our apartment, I ask my case manager, who's arrived by now, to help me with the doors for my closet because I can't get the hinges properly into the holes without someone lifting the door.
Afterward, we go and sign contracts.
The Diakonie is kind enough to waive my rent as long as the stuff isn't repaired. I'm very grateful to them for that.
I'm going with my case manager to quickly buy things for my vehicle and then back to the apartment.
Half the kitchen is completely dismantled. I have no idea what I'm going to make for dinner. The floor under the stove, which incidentally has all the controls on the black stuff around the stovetop without any knobs, has spots on it. I think it's mold.
Great.
I'll go and check out the route to school. I get lost a few times, but it's not a big deal. I have Time today.
The city looks very nice, very bike-friendly. Even though I have no idea how it works yet. I don't even have a driver's license.
After I find it, I stop at Rewe and do some shopping there. Oh yeah, tap water is out too.
Yay.
In the apartment, I order a pizza and download the latest Caedrel video from my phone via Wi-Fi. 50 GB for 15 euros is a good deal. I'll get my 4 wins on MTG Arena, then I'll watch the video. Meanwhile, I'm writing this entry.

*Sigh*

I can do it.

I'm not going to destroy this apartment. I've lived in my own room successfully. I only had nuts go moldy once. And if the previous owner left the apartment in that condition and still managed live, then I can do it too.

Maybe.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Bayernkolleg. Wish me luck.