Empty. Void. Hallow.

I've been trying not to think about it. I can't tell my family yet. I announced on fathers day that I'm pregnant, and the very next day I had my first ultrasound and was told my sac was empty. This means one of 2 things.

1. I'm 6 weeks instead of 8
2. I have a blighted ovum which means I will miscarry

I teared up here and there at work on Tuesday but made it through the day. I saw my primary Dr on Wednesday, the Dr who I like most because he doesn't beat around the bush or sugar coat things, if he has bad news, he let's you know realistically how bad things are.

He showed me hcg levels, which I had already known and were marked as high on the paperwork I was given by his sister on a day he wasn't working. What the computer screen showed that the paperwork didn't was the red words printed next to my level.

Abnormal

He explained to me that the chances of me having a miscarriage are higher than the chances of me carrying to term and delivering. This may seem harsh, but it's what I needed to hear.

It hurt on Monday hearing there was a possibility, but it killed me Wednesday to see how high the possibility was. I'm still hopeful, but now I know to expect the worst and have done my research on what kind of treatments I may have to choose from; 1. Natural miscarriage, where we wait it out and let things happen on it's own (the risks being infection and septic shock if it doesn't happen soon enough), 2. Medication, which was my first choice since I could take this at home at my own time which would allow me to feel a bit more control in such a terrible situation (the risks being possible hemorrhaging and hospitalization), and 3.Dilation and curettage, better known as D and C, where I would be placed under anesthesic and the Dr would remove the remaining tissues (the risks of this being possible perforation of the uterus/organs, damage to the cervix, and scar tissue which could result in future miscarriages or even infertility).

I talked to my husband, and though he stated multiple times it's ultimately my choice on which of the 3 I choose, I have chosen to go with the one he feels most comfortable with because it is going to be shared experience, if I go into septic shock, or start bleeding uncontrollably, or become infertile, he is going to be the one there with me. So, since my Dr has more 20 years experience, we have decided if it comes to it, we will be choosing the D and C because, to quote my husband, "it's better to be infertile than to be dead if the bleeding doesn't stop."

I really am hoping for the best, but I am ready to expect the worst when I go back on the 8th. I hope that nobody else has to go through this, and I honestly don't expect many people I don't know to read this, but if anyone has gone through something like this, I would love to hear your story if you're comfortable with sharing. Thank you.