Something interesting happened a few days ago. I was approached by someone who saw a lot of my old art on FurAffinity. They contacted me on Telegram and they asked me if I was still drawing. I told them yes and showed them several pieces of work that I haven't posted anywhere. It was mostly NSFW Kamal art, but they were made this year and last year.

Then they wondered, why didn't I ever start taking commissions? Why didn't I show people that I was getting better as an artist?

There are two... three... four problems. These are "me problems".

1st Problem: Why me? There are nigh millions of other artists out there who are better than I am and ever will ever be. I just... don't see the point in putting myself out there when I know my art is only "good enough" and there's too many people who are objectively better than I am. I don't believe I am good enough to be paid for. My art skills aren't "great", I'm not in that category of artists. I've brought this up to many people. No one refutes me on this, so it must be true.

2nd Problem: Knowing that most of the NSFW art I make is purely for its own sake. Not making a story. Not making a point. It feels so empty. What's the point in showing it?

3rd Problem: When I seriously thought about it, I don't want to be known as a furry artist. I don't want to be known as *just* a NSFW artist. What made me take learning art more seriously was other furry artists, but I didn't want to go in that direction. Every time I tried and still try, I get unhappy because I'm not doing what I want to be doing.

I started making art because I wanted to make comics. I wanted to tell a story. Mainly about stuff no one wants to talk about.

I am 100% willing to make a NSFW comic. This is fine by me. It's got a story. It's meaningful. It's not just a disconnected picture. I get to tell people something. I want to tell a story. Working on that Innomination comic and completing it was one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done with my own art skills. It took me 6 months to make it, working on-and-off. I want to go back to that, but making comics is really freaking hard. A lot of time on that comic was surprisingly spent storyboarding and fitting/squishing dialogue. A lot of intent went into every frame.

4th Problem: I am working on a card game that is taking a lot of my free time and especially a lot of money. Art isn't free. Artists deserve to get paid. But I don't see that for myself. Ironic, isn't it?

Maybe next year after the card game is done, I will come back to posting stuff online... but I still feel like shit because my skills are not where I wish I was. I am not as good as I want to be. I have a vision in my mind of what I would be happy with in skill and art expression. I'm currently nowhere close to that goal and I struggle to find out how the hell I'm going to get there. So much of art to me feels nebulous and unstructured. I have so much difficulty grasping something that I desperately want to be grounded, yet isn't because it's up to me on how I get there. I am so envious of artists who I think, have found their way there.