Hey ya'll I know I haven't made a journal since 2018, but I figured I'd explain why. I've had a LOT of massive changes in my personal life, is the tl;dr, but as for the not tl;dr, here goes.

In 2020, I left my job, like a lot of people did. Unlike a lot of people however, I also took the opportunity to cut negative influences out of my life. For a long long time, I had basically been forced into a position where I had really no path in life, no actual freedom, and was in a constant state of being gaslit, guilted, and a few other g-words. I was on multiple meds which I really didn't need, I was 315+ pounds, and I had few real friends to speak of. In this moment of cutting out a stressful job, I also took it as my one chance to truly make a clean break from other negative people and things weighing my life down. I knew if I didn't, it would kill me eventually.

As I am now, I haven't been as active here because I have been deep in the process of repairing any damage done to myself and, for lack of a less cliche term, living my best life. I sleep a healthy 6-8 hours a night, learned to cook (I've gotten quite good at Japanese and Italian food), and started reading a lot more often. Through working out, supplements, dieting, and general healthy life choices, I've lost a LOT of weight. I'm down to 205 pounds as of today, and I haven't felt this good in years. I'm happy, fulfilled, and I intend to keep myself that way. Hell I can lift people who weigh MORE than I do. That's wild! I live with a philosophy of positivity and self-care, which are things that I wouldn't have been capable of before starting this journey.

I alas, haven't been spending much money on art due to this shift. I make the joke that I "Spend it on movies nobody but me has heard of or cares about," but I think that's really only 1/4 of the story. In truth, living is expensive. I'm not really struggling, I can live happily and I'm blessed in that, but I do still try to be better with my money nowadays. I do intend to get more art, but at this time, I've slowed that spending down a lot. I am still active in the community and go to meetups and whatnot, but online I've certainly been more dormant. I really just needed the time to focus in on myself and being the best version of me I could be. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I've ever been.

I think the main reason for making this journal is that it's not ever too late to make a change. It might seem scary, and sometimes, you might not even be sure it's the right thing to do. You might second guess yourself a couple times, but once you really start on a path to improvement, it feels amazing. I know it sounds like the same shit everyone always says with the "I love working out," or "I love cooking my own meals," But it's TRUE. You see the results of what you've done, and you see how great the yield is, and you just never want to stop running to the next level. If I can do it, I think almost anyone can.

I'll try and be around more, but I can't say for sure how often I'll upload. I hope everyone is doing well! I'll upload art if I get any!