Welp..I'm at a bit of an interesting crossroads. Not in the traditional sense, of a major decision that'd have a massive impact on me. But rather, which route do I want to go, for the same end result. One route, is admittedly easy, but requires me to be something I'm not. If I take the other route, my life, and my plans for my future, will be much harder to attain, but at least I will stay true to myself. I know what I wanna do. I want to work with tech my whole life. But if I do things the direct way, then so many of my passions, will be forced to just go out the window, and I don't want that. So, the question becomes, how much of my soul am I willing to sell?

But, while I'm emptying my thoughts here, I might as well empty 'em all. "Go all out or just back out," right? And honestly, most of my thoughts are tied together anyhow. So anyways..I feel lost. Like...there's no point in much of anything anymore. I'm losing my passion for drawing and writing...it's getting to where I'm honestly losing interest in rp's. For those of you that know me and have kept in touch with me over the past couple years, I don't have to explain that significance, for those who don't, that's huge. Role play is like, my escape from anything and everything with my life. So yeah, this is pretty serious to me. And honestly...losing these passions, these affinities...it scares me. I don't want to lose what's so strongly tied to who I am. I started drawing with one goal: to leave my mark in the world, through my art. I started rapping, writing poetry, in order to make a difference on everyone I met, be a blessing if at all possible. I started writing, in order to get all my ideas down, to divert someone's attention from a bad day. I still want to do that. But I honestly am losing my drive, which scares and saddens me.

I'm also starting to feel like I'm losing those I love. Honestly, I feel alone. People are leaving me left and right..and it's depressing. Sometimes, yeah, it's my own fault. And knowing that doesn't help the pain..if anything it makes it worse. I can't sleep at night, I just curl up in a ball, this feeling of abandonment's got me scratching myself like some sort of meth addict..it's eating at me. And I'm not sure how much more of me there is left for it to devour.

Also...I feel like I'm...surrounded by water. I know it's cliche, but I don't mean I'm DROWNING..I mean I feel as though my world's distorted, as though I've become...drowsy, sluggish...weighed down. I don't know what it is..but I've felt like this for...damn near a month now.