Honestly, this is probably just a yell-into-the-void rant, that really would have gone elsewhere... if i could remember the password to the other site, which i havn't even visited in.. maybe a decade.

but, what the hell.. If you're reading this it's cause you're following me, despite not being an artist, nor a writer. First, start off with hope anyone who does read this, despite the title, is staying healthy, and as happy as they can be, given the current state of the world.

I think one of the reasons i'm a night person - other than my energy high being at 1 or 2 am - is that i'm very much not a morning person. Once the sun is up till near noon it just goes into weird tangents. Sometimes lining up with each other, sometimes having all the focus of a dog surrounded by squirrels who themselves are running in circles. Hopefully me just putting this down, and sending it to the void will calm the brain down enough that the next trip to bed will actually result in sleep rather than tossing and turning and wishing my brain would shut up enough for me to sleep.

On the one hand, i'm quite down that FE got cancelled. It was absolutely the right call to make. I know, especially with some people having stated that they'll go despite actually being sick... I recall reading in that "I won't miss it for the world". And I get that sentiment. I really do. I have, in the most literal sense, got fired for going to a con. (was a buser at a beer hall, traded shifts so that i got the block off to attend Feral.. got fired my first day back for doing so.) And, even knowing what ended up happening afterwards.. I'd still do it again.

So, I truly do get the sentiment "won't miss it for the world". But, no... What the hell is wrong with you? The difference is that the only negative consequences of my thing was that it ended up hurting me. If you are sick, and you go to a con - especially during a fucking pandemic - you are screwed in the head. It doesn't hurt you to be around others when you're sick.... you're already sick. You hurt others when you do that by making them sick. Or, even worse. Or even if you want to keep thinking in a myopic way, how about this? You show up sick, to a con.. knowing that you are sick, but "I won't miss it for the world". And yes, near certainly at the con, you have a great time. Then the next year you head back to the con. And find out that someone you spend quite a bit of time with at last year's con is now dead. Because they had a weakened immune system.. and they got the illness that you had, but weren't able to fight it off... and died. Seriously, I don't want to picture the guilt upon finding that out. Extreme, sure... but let's say they survived and you just made them sick for like a week or two. You still harmed someone else. Why would you want to do that? I mean, it's inadvertent in the sense you didn't want them to be sick... but it's intentional in the sense you knew it would happen if you want, and chose to do it anyways. You know, FE probably would have had to close even before the large gatherings being ordered to cancel, because of people like you. I guess my rant in this part really comes down to "if you love a con... don't hurt it by going if you're sick". Or don't hurt other people in general.

I legitimately really don't know which i find scarier.. the times when I really think that what goes on in my brain is actually insane, or the thought that It's not and the stuff racing through my head is either normal or mild. And no, i'm not talking about things in this post, but stuff that.. maybe a handful could guess at, and 1 knows of.

Small annoyance, so, got the internet back on thursday, but prior to that didn't have it for 10. Started watching an anime i had downloaded quite a while ago, but hadn't gotten around to.. cause... well, what else am i going to do? Sure, some solo gaming, which i did as well, but sometimes just feel like sitting back and watching stuff.. and now i'm at a point where, almost done (2 or 3 eps left.) and the completionist in me is saying "just finish it, then you've seen it all, and it's done" while another part of me is saying "but it isn't good... why waste more time on that now that you can watch actually good stuff?"

Going to have to move this summer for the 3rd time in 4 years. Really hoping that this one 1) goes better than the utter disaster that was the last one. (which turned into a 3 day thing for moving a 5 minute drive.. And I mean the full 3 days.. I was awake and moving things for the whole time, except for small meals) and 2) lasts for longer than a year or two.

Know what's worse than having a song stuck in your head? having 2 stuck in your head, when they belong to totally different styles that don't blend well together.. but it happens anyways, because it's 2 songs that are stuck in your head. "Steam Powered Giraffe - Captain Albert Alexander" and "Sabaton - Great War" for the record.

I would have said i'm an Introvert if asked, because I only seem to be able to recharge my battery when i'm alone.. Although What i look forward to, and enjoy the most, and spend that saved energy is the times I'm gathered with others.

Well.. if you've made it this far, Congratulations! But really, sometimes just have to yell into the void, and hopefully now that it's typed out my brain will shut up about all this and let me sleep... And going to post it because, well.. I spent quite a bit of time typing it and would feel like a waste, and my brain would probably harp on that if i just closed.. so... posted it is.

*sigh* post dawn mornings.....