Entry 1
James N. Nixon
October 26, 2015

Some times it feels as if i dont have anyone. Like no one wants to talk or hang out...with me. Joye can sit down and chat for hours with someone who used to be my friend but that same friend wont say anything to me when I message. She thinks its easy for people to make friends but for me its hard because all of the people I called friends chose to be her friend instead. All the friends I have that are not her friends are either out of state or out of town so I cant just go and hang out with friends and meet new people. It is also hard because Joye isnt supposed to be alone due to medicine and doctors are worried they will make it where she isnt able to take care of the kids so I cant go anywhere or do anything unless we have someone to come in with the kids. I dont understand why everyone says we are your friends and we want to hang out when in reality they just want to hang out with Joye. If they come over and want someone to go somewhere with them its not me its Joye. When they come over and I ask for a ride somewhere to get something its a no but joye could ask and they say yes. I have no friends around here I have Joye's friends and thats all. People say I am being overly dramatic when I say I am alone and that I have no one but in truth that is how EVERYONE makes me feel. So tell me how is that being to dramatic??? I have always been there for them and offered a helping hand but no one reconizes what I do and instead they talk about me behind my back and make me feel like I am a horrible parent and husband. Thats not a friend. I love Joye I just wish that she would spend less time talking to people online and more time with me. Even though she and I are in the same room we are never doing things together. We dont have dates or date nights, we dont just sit and do something together unless its playing a game online or watching a show every night. It has been 2 years and sometimes I feel like it wont make it to three because we are just so distent from each other. We used to sit and talk about everything. Now its just oh up to you or I dont care its what ever you want. I am tired of making all the decitions. I cant turn to anyone because well I have no one so here I am writing on my laptop about whats on my mind and trying to escape the lonely feelings of every day life. It wont do much good though cause when you are sitting here in a room where the only noises are key bords and computer mice it can get pretty lonely. Well thats this rant. See you all later. Not that anyone cares enough to read this.

James Nicholas Nixon