To anyone who is kind enough to read these words, first I would like to say thank you. I know i am not involved in any kind of community much, and only have watches from a few people. However this is a journal about reflection.

As I sit here, mere hours away from the last first day of 'required' school, looking back realizing that what I just experienced was the last Summer vacation I will ever celebrate, and that depresses me greatly. I don't have too many friends, and considering the fact that I live way out from any human contact besides school, I really feel I am going to miss it. I have wasted and squandered my life so far, rarely ever speaking to anyone. I have gone through my life without a single defining moment, leaving me rather clueless to what companionship or friendship really is. I understand people, watching them from a distance but never participating in their activities and have built a reputation as 'that weird kid' or 'geek' or 'nerd' and lately the term "Furry'.

Am I any of these? Yes, to an extent, all of them. Yet sometimes I find it so depressing to hear people talk about things they have done, or plans they are making, when I havent done any of that. I mean, my best memories aside from things with my family, is any time spent in oral comm. class. I truly felt accepted there, I actually had friends, I got a taste of what it felt like to actually get to know people instead of motives and ideas. I loved that class, yet all it was was a tease, because all but three(me included)of that class graduated that year, and the other two moved away. Leaving me again alone.

Also looking at my live, I am coming up my my 18th birthday soon, as stated I have gone nowhere with my life, done nothing. I am about to be an adult, and that scares me that I will soon be fully responsible for myself. I truly do not know what the future will hold for me, I have no real plans for college, a career, my GPA is in garbage because I was lazy, no matter how I try to cover it up.

I haven't gone anywhere with my live, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere soon. Everything I know and have gotten used to is about to be pulled away from me, leaving me alone and rather helpless. I really do not know what to do right now, so please any advice is welcome.