To start off, I'd like to just give a small update of what I've been going through.

I had to leave college a while back due to money issues and then I was forced to move with family along the west coast. I moved from one families home, to another after nearly a few months living down there and i stayed the new place for a few months.

During this time, I was mentally crushed on having to leave college and yet still figure out what is out there for me if this "plan" didn't work out. I was always taught that "If you go to high school, then go to college, you'll get a job and a house and be happy". I'm paraphrasing but it was generally something like that. The point is, I didn't know what i was suppose to do now that all of that failed. I forced myself to think that, possibly, the military was the only next option. They promised a great life and such after going through it all, and i'd get to travel the world... even to parts i might not want.
Regardless, I tried to get in for quite a bit of time, then my office shut down and i was forced to move back home... where i've lived for nearly 18 years to try and go to the recruiting office down here. Well, now my debts of college caught up to me and i of course have way more steps to try and get in.

then it snapped, what i wanted most out of life.

I will now share my favorite quote from anything ever, and sadly I have to say it comes from a Nicki Minaj song "I am no longer trying to survive, I believe that life is a prize, but to live doesnt mean you're alive".

To feel alive. All my life i've lived with idea that you were born to go to "A" proceed to "B" obtain "C" through hard work.... and years down the line you apparently hit "Z", whatever the hell that is.
But what does it take to feel.... well, alive? For me... I just want what i kept seeing while trying to "obtain" this unreachable goal. I had friends who had their own place, who had someone to come home to, a job that paid their bills... and they just lived. I don't need a fancy job or a brand new car, or a degree to say "look how smart I am". I just want to exist. To really exist and be more than just a twenty-three year old who has had little to no impact to anyones life and especially his own.

The life i've lived so far, it's just not worth talking about, worth mentioning or feeling proud about. I want to move on and really start being my own man...



This is the part where you say "but Khodaka sama ni-chan kun, what does that have to do with your furry life?"
Well, during that time of me losing my mind and losing my beliefs and blah blah blah blah, I just lost my old self. I broke down whatever I had built up and pieced together what i truly believed to be important. I look back at all the time i spent on messengers and chat sites and FA or ... really anything furry related. I realized that, it really didn't help me. I still like the stuff i saw or did, but as it stands, i keep finding myself ... straying away from the crowds or groups. I just want the very small few that really stuck with me this entire time.

I know I might come off as an ass for what im saying or how im feeling, but I think my plans for the future are just to really.... stray away from putting myself out there. I have the people i want to talk to and the person I want to be with more than anything else. I feel wrong talking to others and now that most of my time is used up anyways, i just find during furry stuff to pretty much.... not be worth it.

I won't beat around the bush any longer... I'm moving myself into a more "closed relationship". I'm not going to be around much to just RP. I probably wont be around to even just chat. I'm moving myself away from the PC and for now, this is the information im putting out so everyone can know that i'm distancing myself away from pretty much anything in the spot light.


TL;DR my life went into shambles, i came out a ... changed person? and i changed into someone who realized that he didn't need to be an "outgoing" furry anymore. If anything, I'd only ever come back if i got my place, got a job that had decent hours, but i still wanted to draw more furry stuff on here. As of now, i dont really draw at all, I have no time for it. ANYWAY, I'm rambling. Any questions or concerns, please feel free to ask.