I spend most of my time over at bluesky or twitter (not calling it X), but I was overthinking and melancholic in bed and sleep wouldn't come so I figured I'd get some rambling out on a page and wasn't sure where to post it...so here, if anyone still reads this page you get some Kin blabber.

I was thinking about my con experiences over the past decade and a half, and one of the most significant ones to me was AC2012. It was also by far the toughest one for me. Let's dive in.

First, I was the room organizer, me and four others to one room, and that wasn't an issue for me, at least in the sense that I was the one who asked for it-I'd had a room with people in past cons and I had decided I wanted to be in control of things so I took charge of that. When we had gotten our 5th on which was a bit of a surprise as we weren't sure they'd be able to go, I realized honestly the standard two queens would not be a comfy fit, even if we only were in there to sleep. So I went looking for a suite instead, managed to get a parlor suite at one of the overflow hotels for a better price than what the con hotel would've run us. But that also had a bit of a rub, because it was a suite and thus much pricier than expected. I wasn't working at the time, so I asked to take on more work from my family in exchange for raising my 'allowance' pay (Mom was bedridden and paid me to help around the house but the rest of my family I've ranted about before, very...complicated and toxic kinda thing. But that's another story) a bit so I could spend the next 7 months saving up to afford as much as I could. Because -I- was the one who wanted the suite, I didn't want the other four to have to suffer financially for my decision, so without telling them, I quoted them their share as if it was the quote I had gotten for the two queens, and I paid 'the remainder' that would've been owing as my own. To that end, I paid around 200 dollars more than the rest. Again, this was my choice, so I don't blame anyone but myself for that, to me it was MORE than worth it to spend a weekend with four of the people I cared about the most.

That unfortunately is where the difficulties came in. Even before the con, it felt like my desire to be the room organizer for us also meant that I was now the 'info guy' for literally every aspect of the con. Scheduling, directions, even having to save detailed map information for almost every person, help with transportation and finding one of them the appropriate flight for them to even get to PA, it was like most of my roomies had suddenly become...incapable of google. But again I loved them dearly and so took on the role happily, even saving little mini-docs on my computer for each person so I could keep my own notes of their itineraries and even what events they seemed interested in.

I had decided that as the one the hotel's room was reserved by, with my card and all, that I should arrive first. So I had my flight to arrive a week before the con so I could spend some days with some close friends beforehand, which was fun, but...awkward. They had another friend over and that friend of theirs was super clingy to them and I didn't really get much time to just hang out with the specific friend I wanted to. It put a small downer on things, but I still had the con with my chosen family to look forward to.

Come the day before the con, I end up arriving at the hotel thanks to that close friend I visited dropping me off, and when I went into the hotel, I had learned only then and there...Canadian Debit cards do not use the same underlying debit transaction system that the US does. US's debit system is backed by Visa and Mastercard's transaction systems, while Canada uses the Interac system. So when I went to pay for the hotel, with every roomie's share in my bank account at the time...it was declined as a non valid card. My credit card had ONLY had enough of a limit to do the deposit reservation. I was freaking out internally because I couldn't believe I'd ruined things *already*, before the convention had even begun. Outwardly I kept calm as I tried to puzzle things out with the very generous and nice receptionists, eventually they gave me 24 hours to figure it out, since I HAD paid the deposit, so in their mind I 'had' the room until 10 am the next day. Cue me going to unload my stuff in the room, flopping on the bed, then sitting up and having a panic attack for 30 minutes. Another 20 minutes where I ran around the nearby area trying to find ATMs I could withdraw from...I managed to get 240 dollars out before my bank locked my card (despite me alerting them I would be in Pittsburgh for that week and charges from there were fine). More panicking. Get back to the hotel room, frantically call mom and ask her if she can western union me money to Chase bank because that was the only place I could find nearby that had a WU deposit pickup. Thankfully she okayed it, and my e-transfer function still worked, so I sent her the money as she WU'd it down to me. As I go to leave to pick it up, Roomie #1 texts me to say they just landed at Pittsburgh. More panick. They're frustrated because of an issue with the shuttle I don't clearly remember (I think it was delayed). I managed to pick up the money from the bank, and rush back to the hotel, FINALLY get things squared away 3 hours after I'd checked in and nearly pissed myself in panic mode, and then go up to the room to wait for my friend to arrive, flopping in bed to rest. I didn't have long to relax though, as they got dropped off by the shuttle soon after I got back and they couldn't find their way. I had given them directions (The shuttle stopped a very short distance away-I even remember, turn right on (street that the stop intersects at), turn left at the second left...you're there), BUT, I chalked it up to first flight jitters and nervousness in a new city, so I went out and picked my friend up to guide them back to our hotel. FINALLY I could rest. This wasn't even the first day of the con itself and I was genuinely ready to go HOME I was so tired. But me and roomie 1 ended up playing my xbox for a while, enjoying our time together, literally the first time we'd seen each other in person after knowing each other for years.

The next morning is when most of the other roomies arrived, one by bus, the other by plane as with the first, they found their way up and we all chilled watching movies, then eating, though I don't remember most of that part, which in my opinion is a good sign-this con was so eventful for me for all the WRONG reasons that if I don't remember it, it was probably actually relaxing. The final roomie arrived in the evening, and we all registered for the con by that point. As we were chilling in our suite, a few other friends had gotten to the con and wanted to join us to see one of my roomies, so they popped up, and we ended up all watching some comedy special I had brought. This was one of the really happy moments I had, just me, friends and chosen family all sitting together having a blast. We all decided to get pizza, where I learned the hotel had limited outside phone access from the hotel due to the earlier snafu, so the others said we didn't need to get pizza and could go out later, but I was determined for us to have a good time so I left vowing to come back with pizza. Apparently friends were taking half joking bets I'd come back covered in blood haha. But no, I just went down to the receptionists, explained the situation and they fixed the phone but also let me call from their phone right there. When I came back up with the pizza orders, we continued to have more fun that night before ending things, and I was glad we had the suite because even with a giant king bed, a foldout sofa and some chairs to push together to form another bed, it did feel a bit tight alongside all our suitcases and stuff.

The first 'official' day of the con is sadly where everything started getting worse again for me personally. I've been rambling too long by this point so I'm gonna speed things up from here on out, but while I had things I wanted to do at the con, I had done all of the above efforts because the *Main* people I wanted to hang with was these 4 people. But...I wonder if I hadn't communicated that, because they all had their own plans, roomie 1 went off with his friends and I only saw him here and there, at the dealers alley for a bit, at a couple panels we both wanted, and then dinner, and then only back in the room really. Roomie 2 just kinda disappeared entirely until the evening, and I tagged along with 4 and 5 because I wasn't sure where to go outside of my planned panels and they just kinda had their own plans with each other, so feeling like a third wheel I eventually went off to wander the con by myself. I ended up seeing Reva while I was hovering over Shiro's art table like a fly because I had nothing better to do, bugged a few other artists out of loneliness, I'm sure it looked less 'cringy' than I think it did, but I really was just hanging around people because I no longer had any of the money I wanted to buy things, I had originally saved up plenty so I could get some extra stuff, but by this point I had so many extra expenses that I could only get myself a cane I'd been meaning to get and a single badge. So I just window shopped while trying to chat up people I saw parasocially as friends. Once I felt I'd overstayed my welcome I just laid down on a bench overlooking the river from the convention center for a while. Went to the gaming room to play a bit but couldn't keep my smile up long enough to stay long. I ended up being dragged into a game of werewolf being hosted I -think- by Toya on the floor outside the video game room, which was fun and also my first time playing not just the werewolf game, but a deception style game in general. I don't remember how well I did, just that it was a smiling point of that day. I then went back to the room, I remember it was only like 5:30 pm or so, and I stayed there the rest of the night gaming by myself until the others gradually rejoined me. Aside from the panels we all or some of us went to together, this was a 'rinse and repeat' until the end of the con. We were packing up, shared some funnies with roomie 4, but roomie 1 had run out before I could say goodbye which was saddening, but I'll get back to that. 4 and 5 were laughing at the absurdity of me trying to close my overstuffed suitcase (It was overstuffed even before I left home, but 4 had brought me a care package so I had to squeeze all that in too haha).

4 and 5 left around the same time, 3 had gone earlier, and I'm just now realizing 2 doesn't actually exist, so I'm 2 I guess, because 1, 3 4 and 5 were the roomies, oh my god Kin you derp. I'm too lazy to re-edit this and this is more a stream of conciousness anyway. my bus wasn't heading back up to Canada for a few hours yet, so I left the hotel with my stuff once I'd made sure it was all closed up, and just wandered around the now emptying con space, before suddenly getting a text from Roomie 1 panicking because they can't find their way to the shuttle to get to the flight. So I ran as fast as I could (and I do mean that, I ended up hurting my leg pretty strongly and limped for a few days after) to meet them at the intersection they were at then led them to the shuttle, they were panicking thinking they missed it and they'd miss their flight, then it came, and I wanted to say a proper goodbye but we didn't have time, they gave me a quick hug without saying goodbye and ran on the shuttle, leaving me there to kinda absorb the weekend was finally fully 'over', for better or worse, and at that moment, it felt worse really. I kept in touch with roomie 2 because they were really nervous over the 30 min shuttle that they weren't gonna make it, until they texted "I'm on the flight." and that was all I heard till they got back. I ended up getting my bus a couple hours later and the 6 hour ride home commenced....until we stopped at customs and my own country gave me more hell about being unemployed and getting back into the country than the US border ever did. The US customs saw my bag when I was entering the US and after two questions sent me along, Canadian customs played 30 questions and really hammered in the unemployed point worrying them about me working in the US and I was just so tired by this point. They let me through eventually after 'warning' me I needed to have a job the next time I came over the border, and I continued the long trip back home. Getting off at the station I wasn't done though. Family 'couldn't pick me up (Dad was watching tv) so from Toronto I had to make the roundabout public transit back to the 'rents home, which took me another 3 and a half hours with an overloaded suitcase, and then dragging it up a road with a steep dirt hill (where the damn thing's wheel broke midway, I'm STILL pissed about that) and I get in the house finally, and before I can even unpack my suitcase, just got my coat and shoes off, I have to make mom food cause dad went to bed, litterbox needs changing, this and that...once I got it all done, I sat down, got on my computer to tell everyone I was home safe, then I went right to bed. Didn't get dinner or anything, I was too tired.


That was my con experience for 2012 at Anthrocon. The lesson I took from it was that while people do say that when you go to a con, you gotta make sure you're more spending it with friends or there's too much to do and you'll not feel you had enough time to enjoy it, there's another thing you have to consider-your friends might also have plans and even though you want to spend time with them, you need to adjust things so you can still have a good time by yourself at the con and just vibe. I had put everything I could into making everyone else have a good time that to be honest, I forgot to have one myself.

If you read this far, thanks for reading my disjointed, late night rambling, and have a good night. I'm back off to try to sleep again now that I've written this down.