hi i doubt anyone will ever read this but i felt the need to get this out. right now it is 2am on a wednesday and i am depressed as shit. i have work tomorrow, but i can't sleep, so instead i'm listening to a playlist of sad kanye and frank ocean songs. perfect for my situation

this year has probably been the worst for me due to various things. childhood pet passed, i lost all my friends due to some dumb shit i said, and generally i just feel stressed because of the pressures of almost being an adult. plus general alienation from the people around me due to growing up with autism/ADHD

a constant theme throughout my past few years is that every few months, i have this sinking feeling. one month i will be doing fine and the other i'm in a depressive slump and theres nothing i can do. i fucking hate gen z slang but ig i can say i've been going through a constant cycle of "we are back" / "it's so over". i know this is normal, especially for someone my age, but it is hard for me to figure out how much of what im feeling is actually just from teen hormones. therapy is expensive and i can't talk about it with my family either. nothing they've said or done has helped me, and plus they care more about my brother anyway. i grew up having an extended a family of losers and addicts and yet nobody believes in mental health.

for some reason ofc i had to get this out on FA of all places, instead of just using the notes app on my phone like a normal person. for the life of me i cannot figure out how this site works and i have not used it in over 2 years

but yea thats about all i have for now. thank you for reading. RIP neer 🕊️