I been really lacking in all corners of my life... that don't give me a reason to give up or sacrifice everything...

I understand why I do this though... in my position in my current life I am burnt out on everything, exhausted mentally and physically, getting through it though nowadays, its been years... trying to claw out my own head so I can live, I been hurt for a long time and I'm just no processing it all out now... I'm sorry to everyone who I may have burnt as well , to anyone who may have been bothered by me, to the users who have unfinished work from me that I been struggling be cause art... has always been hard to express for me due to my own laziness, depression, ADHD, etc...

I lack commitment and that makes me weak in this world, but that's okay because I'm working around it rather then chasing it

I been running from my own priorities due to a lot of IRL factors and livelihood elements completely out of my control...

I don't have a family for one, I been homeless for around 12 years hopping houses from my original home in Houston, I lived in Dallas for around 4 years and now I'm in Austin which has now been a year now, that's a good chunk of 15 years trying to fix myself to be friends with you all, time I took carefully making sure I was holding my own and staying strong for you all, so you all don't see me as a bother, I constantly asked for money from my friends to help while I worked jobs that didn't last long due to racial disputes and at home living scenarios that had a longing effect on my depression. I am sorry I been doing this... its not okay and It really only happened because I was doing work, art, etc. but I had no backups, no savings, no family, and very little time to reflect and adjust making a lot of things pressuring and for that I am completely at fault sadly and I am here to not only apologize but also do better myself...

Chasing the dream for the betterment or for others?

This is something that's been on my mind for a LONG time, given how I process, I haven't been honest to myself and the things I enjoy, some things are more foggy now because where I been, a lot of media I consume has been null to me nowadays, and that has been affecting my craft a bit -no inspiration to dream from- so I been lagging heavily behind in the past 6 years...

the groups I associated myself with I feel I was only there to just be apart of something, in which that's okay, but for me its odd because I had people talking down my mental about ''overstaying welcomes'' to ''you are a bothersome person because of what you enjoy or do''

look all I do is play games and draw smut... honestly speaking here we all do that, we all meme, we all get along in some meaningful way... but seeing what I have experience in the world... no one wants to take that risk in the real world, this makes things like ''chasing the dream'' HARD, people have there own opinions, own goals, own art, there own flow, I constantly think like that on others and I tend to stay away from certain topics and certain groups due to how ''political'' or ''depressing'' things get, I usually just like to meme talk about old shows and the most sloppiest smut we can find, I'm not really into, ''why the game market is bunk'' or ''the 36th girl is oppressing me'' and even the ''the orange man did this and that in the white house''

I really care, and hope the best, but that's all I can say because I'm not trying to impose life advice at the time of someone expression and I personally don't feel comfortable with those sensitive topics at the time of enjoyment with anonymous users in group chats in discord... I personally feel it would be wrong if I was to express anything during these moments and ill just leave respectfully and ill sit alone for hours thinking if I'm okay.... some topics people be saying is really... odd sometimes... and I really just hope the world is okay...

that being said... that's all on my mind for now... ill be around again hopefully soon.

if you took the time to read all this and want to contact me please reach out, I'm trying to free myself and I need to relearn a lot so please give me time and Ill be around if need be, please us my discord link below if you all want to draw, jam out to music, play games and just casually chill, thanks for reading you all. much respect and love~

{ https://discord.gg/FDf3rPMdeP }