Could write a book about a single day but would take forever. So to start off, i work in a large retail supermarket. Around 14 checkouts, 4 scan as you shop tills and 12 self scan tills. My section is self scan so that's what my ramblings will be about.

There's suppose to be 1 person to run 5 tills, we have 12 tills, so minimum of 2 people at any given point. 6/7 days there's only ever 1 person running all 12 throughout the day, given an hour here and there where someone does help.

That one person is usually me, since i stopped complaining about working solo i just turn off a handful of till and tell management to get someone else on or leave me to do what i do, they usually do the latter.

Suffice to say, i know my way around the tills, can fix near any issue, have seen everything, heard everything and do not budge to overactive Karrens. OH and our self scan does not let in shopping trolleys due to social distance and health and safety, only baskets.

So with that, here are some basic rules. I'd imagine it works for other places too.

Rules of the self scan:
My word is law. if i tell you, you can't come in with a trolley, no amount of excuse will change my mind. if you REALLY need the trolley, there's many tills open to assist you. i'm one person overlooking a dozen tills and cannot help with your bad back, hyperactive brat or whatever excuse you think will give you reason. i'll tell you no, stand in the way, point to the sign and stand there till you get the hint. swear and call the rule stupid but suck it up sweetheart.

Pay attention to what you scan. Look i know the self scan tills can be edgy, take your time and make sure every items scans in before placing it on the scale, cause the amount of times i've had to go through people shopping only to find out that several items wasn't scanned in and get the same "oh but it beeped" yes, it did beep but it also pops up saying "invalid barcode" on the screen. but since you dont pay attention, i've "beeped" in several items which wasn't added.

When i'm helping you. DO. NOT. TOUCH. ANYTHING.The amount of times the till says "this can now be placed in the bag" is tedious, i hate hearing it. so when the scale is thrown off and i'm there waiting to scan my assist code to shut it up. DON'T TOUCH. by you thinking you're helping, you're not. lifting up items, moving them around, placing them back down only does one thing. RESET THE TIMER. it takes 15 seconds and the till saying that dumb line twice before i can override it. plenty of time for you to start touching, even after i tell you to leave it be for a minute. please use the first rule.

Don't ask for help if i look busy. Situations arise, barcodes don't scan, security tags need removing, relax. I WILL get to you shortly. Do NOT ask me to take tags off items when a. you haven't scanned them in yet, b. you haven't paid for them yet and c. if i'm attending to someone else. to add to this, whistling like i'm a dog or 'oi'ing me is the quickest way to get ignored and left till last.

And for fucks sake use your eyes. Am i carrying items? then i'm probably helping someone else. I have legit said to someone who tried giving me a bottle of vodka insisting i take the tag off "give me a second, i'm not an octopus" their face was priceless.

Dumb ass remarks? Heard them all, "i hate these machines" then why use them? OH to avoid queuing. "i have alcohol, i need you to scan it in" no, you scan it in, i can approve it remotely and take the tag off after its paid for. "this is suppose to be on a deal" i given up on this one, i walk over, not saying anything and press pay which totals the shopping and take for the deal. "they let trolleys into x shop" ok, thats great, this isn't x shop thus we can't let trolleys in. "this is cheaper in x shop" i got this more when working in the gas station but still hear it time to time. I DON'T CARE, i don't make the prices, don't want it, i'll remove it.

Wrong Prices I know how lazy stores are for correcting SEL's (shelf edge labels) i've seen labels dated nearly a year out of date. DO NOT FRET. if the label is still there, i'll remove the label and give you the items for that price. no need to be up yourself thinking you won something. With that though, don't tell me something is x price thinking i won't check. i check EVERYTHING and will happily put you in your place by taking a picture of the items and the price tag showing clearly. after that you can either stop complaining or i just remove the item.

It doesn't scan, it must be free. If you say this to someone in retail, they have cursed you in ways not thought possible. its not funny, clever or logical. NO, if it doesn't scan, we CANNOT sell it. Yes, i have cursed you out under my breath while taking said item to the returns, rolling my eyes calling you a cunt.

My job isn't what you think. My job is to get you in and out asap. I'm not here to scan you're shopping (may i remind you i work in SELF scan) I'm here to assist as and when needed. approving alcohol, removing tags, adjusting prices. if you come in and ask for help. i will show you what to do with one or two items then leave you to it. i had this barely middle aged woman ask me to scan it in, i showed her what to do, she stood there waiting for me to scan everything in. eventually i told her she has to do it, she got annoyed, scanned it in, paid and left. If you can't learn a simple arm movement or wont do it yourself, i wont help. i've had people with missing limbs come through, asked if they need help, they say no and manage the whole things to themself.

I'm reporting you! Ok? this might sound like a threat but honestly, no one cares. managers give us a "you gotta be nicer" spiel. but nothing comes from it. The latest one i got, woman came in, placed her basket down, readied her shopping bags, looked at the screen 'lane closed' "whats wrong with this one" its not working atm "oh you could of told me" sorry, im a bit busy, i wasn't paying attention "whats your position, i'll be reporting you" alright, I'm self scan assistant. she finds a working till mumbling "the nerve of some people" oh i know princess, your eyes couldn't see the LARGE no entry icon. big red circle, white line through it with words that say 'lane closed' and yet It's MY fault.
Another one, guys buys a shirt, takes a paper bag, pays and leaves. alarm goes off. all this while im helping someone else, he storms back in, no words and gives me the bag, i take the bag "got tags? gimme a sec i'll take them off" being genuinely nice to the guy, i take the tag off, rebag it, give it back to him and instead of a simple thanks, i get "that wouldn't have happened if you were doing your job" OK hold the fuck up, i AM doing my job, I'm currently helping someone else. how am i suppose to know it has a tag on it? "its clothes" not all clothes have tags on them "we'll see what head office say, whats your name" i give him my name and he storms out. Threatening to report someone is pointless, especially when you're the one being a twat.

With all this said, i'm far from perfect, but as i hate people with a passion, i want to get you in and out quick and efficiently. i have off days where i might forget a thing which takes a minute to remember how to do. don't be that dick thinking i'm new, i can prolong your shopping experience longer then you can be bothered to wait.

Sorry for the length, this is around 18 months condensed. using memorable moments. the rest is blurred. i could make one for my time in gas station. i have seen and heard some dumb shit there.