Hey there, presumably random person staring at my profile page. If you're here it means you've either:

A. Gotten lost, or
B. You've read something I've said somewhere and you're wondering whether someone could truly be as stupid as I came across.

If you fall into category A, welcome! Stay a while, have a look around, maybe you'll fine something of interest. If you fall into category B I appologise, and the answer is yes. Also, stay a while, have a look around, maybe you'll fine something equally (or perhaps even more) stupid and it will provide you with some amusement.

As for me, I'm just some guy with a computer and a bunch of pent up emotions which intermittently escape as a sort of mad, terrifying laugh - perhaps a safety feature of some description.

My real name is Ash, or Ashton if you're feeling fancy. My username is my middle name, and my mothers maiden name, which together I think are more impressive than just plain old Ash.

People usually talk about their hobbies here, right?
I play a lot of music. My parents had me taking piano lessons from when I was 4 so it's a fairly massive part of me now. Over the years I picked up more instruments until now I'm sitting on piano, guitar, bass, drums, violin and saxophone. I've also had a few years of singing lessons but the novelty wore off after I realised that narrating my everyday actions in song was less likely to earn me admirers than it was to earn me punches in the face. I formed a couple of bands: The Misadventures of Figurative Tim (me on vocals and rhythm guitar) which lasted a little under one practice session, and Dusty and the Neon (vocals and keyboard), which I think was decent as far as garage bands go.

I'm into a lot of sports. At some point or another I've played netball, basketball, volleyball, table tennis, proper tennis, squash (a brief encounter, which ended with me in the bathroom trying to stop all my blood from exploding out of my nose), badminton, and swimming. These days I'm a tennis coach and occasional comp player.

I think that's it for now. I'm sure I'll add more later, it kind of ended abruptly. In the mean time if you want to know more just shoot me a message.

Regards, Ash.