Heyas! Been a bit since my last journal, but I figured I should probably offer a few updates.

But yea, first thing's first. I'm sure some of you may have noticed that I went quiet on here for a bit. I guess that's not anything new, but I did wanna say sorry to everyone who's waiting on a commission. I should have made this journal a while ago, to keep everyone informed, but I can say that I should be able to get back to those very shortly!

As for why I've been quiet this time around, I've been working on a light novel for a contest. I didn't know about the contest until the beginning of this month, so I needed to work really quickly in order to get it done. On top of that, September is already a really busy month for me, but fortunately, it should be back to business as usual soon!

As for other business, well. I really hate to vent and foist my rough moods onto other people, but as of late, I really do just kinda need an outlet to get things off of my chest. If you don't care to hear me pity myself then yea, feel free to ignore the rest of this journal, it's not consequential to anything.

But yea, things have been kinda rough for me the past few months. A lot of scary changes and uncertainties happening of late. You see, I'm kind of an anxious person, always trying to be certain of everything, spending way too long trying to figure out the best course of action while trying to get an idea and a plan for all possibilities, that kind of stuff. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that as well. Thing is, I've always been able to keep those anxieties in check thanks to my close friend group and really some of the greatest people I ever could have known.

Unfortunately, that friend group has been severely fractured as of late. I'm overwhelmingly thankful that we still get together to play D&D, and things really aren't as terrible as they could be, but my biggest concern involves the love of my life. For years, I kept this account and these kinks of mine a secret, afraid of what might happen with our relationship should they be found out. It's not that they were against them, but parts of me I guess were just afraid of things changing. Well, they did find my account and it caused all kinds of problems, though in the end, the worst thing about it was that I lied to them and kept all of this secret. That, and the kink RPing was a problem as well. I always treated it like I was making a collaborative kinky story with friends, but they didn't see it that way. I should note though that I did swear off the kink RP for them though.

But yea, that was a few months ago that all of this happened. Things are better now, but we don't really talk or hang out the way we used to. I understand that it takes time, but I still miss it, and I still love them with everything I am. Still, it's been a rough couple of months for me. Our friend group hasn't talked or hung out like we used to either. I'm overwhelmingly grateful in the rare instance that we do, and of course, when we get together for D&D, but I myself have never felt so alone. Nowadays, I'm constantly afraid of the future, filled with self-doubt and self loathing. I know it's probably just in my head but overall, I just don't feel wanted anymore, among other things. I suppose it also doesn't help that I'm having a difficult time job searching during all of this as my old job went out a few months ago. But yea, I guess I really just needed to vent this to keep all this stuff from building up. Thanks for listening.