I'm sure if you're following me, you've probably been waiting for the next chapter of On the Nature of Dragons. It's been, what, three years? Four? I wouldn't fault you for forgetting about the story in that time, or giving up hope on its completion.

Back in 2017 I hit a massive roadblock in my writing that I did not understand. I could no longer read my own words without feeling sick and confused. Even the thought of looking at my past posts paralyzed me. I struggled against these feelings for almost a year before giving up.

I couldn't face it at the time because I was unwilling to acknowledge its obvious source:

I was born in the wrong gender. I was pretending to be a man, when I had always wanted nothing more than to be a woman.

I guess the subconscious is really shitty at keeping secrets, because that suppressed reality found an outlet in my writing. I was able to mask things under a more general interest in TF.... for a time. Until I finished chapter 3 and cried with happiness at the thought of Leof beginning to accept herself. Until I looked at my own words, and thought of my characters, and realized I was really writing about myself. Leof's curse was a convenient metaphor for my own life; a long journey towards an accursed realization. An untenable path in my already-difficult life.

And so my pen went dark. I started a "real" career. Pushed the discomfort down and tucked it into the back of my mind. Eventually paid back the commissioners whose stories I couldn't finish. (By the way, if I missed you, please message me. I want to pay you back.)

In 2018, I met my Braun. I had slowly been growing stronger, regaining my confidence. Her presence empowered me further. I began confronting my identity questions. In early 2019, I visited her in Canada, and I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. So I came clean. I came out to her, and to myself for the first time.

She came out to me not long after. I don't think it's often that a MM couple is so overwhelmingly gay as to become lesbian, but we are proof of the possibility!

Since getting married and moving permanently to Vancouver, I've been incredibly happy. I've been medically transitioning for 10 months now and let me tell you... I have zero idea of what my cup size is, stop putting that in your stories, it's a totally irrelevant trope! The experience is way more focused on the change in your downward silhouette and sensation of outward weight. Girls don't give a shit about cup sizes unless they're literally in a store catalog looking for the right bra! GAHH

Okay, but seriously-- growing breasts and real-life TF-ing is an absolutely incredible experience. I'm finally at the point where I can read my own words and feel joy instead of pain. I finally understand my own stories, both real and fictional.

Leof and Braun deserve an ending. And now, I'm eager and able to tell that story.

Thank you to all of you who have stuck it out over these years. Your support and interest means the world.

See you on my next post!