When I started lurking in middle school, I didn't have money to commission an artist. I wanted to draw my own character, but I definitely feel safest in a crowd. I tried to draw Pokémon, but I felt like making individual characters would be viewed as childish. Or strange. Or "Other". I desperately wanted to fit in, so I listened to emo bands with my friends and wore thick eyeliner, and quietly lurked on dA for for years.

College came along, and I attended Anime Nebraskon in 2010. I dragged my friends along to a fursuiting panel, and I was hooked. This was the innocent, playful roleplay that I loved seeing in online communities, coupled with anonymity! I need one of these!

They're HOW MUCH?

I can't afford to even dream about these T_T

I have been a lifelong DIY-er and crafty person, I do understood the price tag, but I was still bummed. That, coupled with a poorly timed joke from my friends about the panel left me stuffing my fursuit dream back into its little box.

I got married (cool guy, very supportive in all of this :) ), and we moved to a small town (population under 20,000 people). It's isolating out here. I felt like one liberal nobody in a sea of football crazed Republicans xD . We attended NebKon again, but ultimately we felt... Old. The crowd was getting younger, and we weren't staying the same age either. I loved the con atmosphere of celebrating fandom and letting your freak flag fly, but I wasn't identifying with the shrieking 13 year olds. And my friends stopped going, so I stopped attending Nebkon (sensing a theme here?).

Last year, I was regretting missing Nebraskon again. I was surfing YouTube and stumbled onto some recorded panels from anime conventions and saw... Telephone.

I was an instant (if silent) fangirl. She had so much CHARACTER! The head bobs! The squeaks! The FREAKING ENORMOUS FLUFFY EARS! I wanted to BE Telephone, but not in that crappy copycat way. So I researched everything. I looked up her dances, her channel, I researched Dutch Angel Dragons, Skypro, everything. That price tag was still too high though. I had a mortgage, a dog, and two cats to care for. We were never in dire straits, but a one thousand dollar costume was not something I could afford.

I bring you now to September 6, two weeks ago as I write this.

I had spent the evening prior with a cold, re-watching YouTube videos of Telephone. So I decided to check out FurBuy, and idly browse the partial suit listings. I knew better than to search the full suits at this point. I found my personal Holy Grail of suits: a black and purple premade Angel Dragon. Head, handpaws, and tail.

Opening bid: $100.
No bids.
1 day to go.

I was in shock. Heads alone never went for under $200, even on FurBuy. I talked with my husband, and we joked about how going to FurBuy "just to look" was about as truthful as going to an animal shelter "just to look". He encouraged me to bid, so I did. I was outbid about three hours later, which led me to do a little soul searching.

This was a premade. It wasn't a character I had created. The paws were bigger than I'd like, there were no feet paws, the dragon didn't have any horns or fangs... Would people know that I was supposed to be a dragon, or would I come off as some kind of Technicolor Bat-Lemur? And I hadn't been to a con in years... I resolved that, while the price was good, this was not the perfect time and place.

So I went into the computer room and calmly told my husband that I wasn't going to bid again on the Dutchie partial. He asked why, and I started crying. That startled both of us. I sat down, and explained that it would cost money to attend conventions, and we didn't go to them that often, the costume would only be used a few times a year, there's no where for me to suit in public here... I apologized for crying, I really wasn't expecting that decision to affect me that much.

Bless his heart, he told me not to make up my mind one way or another right then. "This clearly means a lot to you, and we can swing $200 for a suit right now. Why don't you set up a proxy bid and see what happens? There's no guarantee either way, but this is worth a shot."

So I did.

The auction was set to end at 10:02 PM local time the next evening. I got LITERALLY nothing done at work the next day. I was completely obsessed with the auction. I limited myself to checking it only once per hour. I thought about what I'd do if I didn't get it. Once I got home, I printed off some free Dutchie bases and started coloring them with crayons. I wanted a back-up character in case this one didn't work out...

But I won.

10:02 PM rolled around, and I received a confirmation e-mail saying that I had won the auction.

I was pleased, but definitely in shock. I couldn't believe that a real physical fursuit existed, that I had bought it for that much, and that the rights to the character were MINE. I could name it. I could choose its pronouns and history and quirks. I didn't need to draw it, I could commission artists from this ref sheet.

I e-mailed the maker ASAP with half a dozen questions. Bless her heart she responded right away to say "It's uh, LATE.... I'll address all of this in the morning." xD

From there, it's been one thing after another. Digging up my old dA account, creating an FA account, joining the Dutch Angel Dragon Facebook group. So far, the people I've spoken with have all been very mild, kind, and accepting. I wish I hadn't waited so long to try and meet other furries. As it turns out, they're a pretty accepting bunch!

And to any lurkers out there, it's okay if you don't have a character! It's okay if you can't draw or you're bad at descriptions or you don't have the funds. As it turns out, these artists love their work almost as much as we like lurking through it. Give them a comment or a fave. Say hello. Ask them where they get inspiration, or how they made their first character. You don't need to go my route to join in on the fun around here :)

Thanks for reading! Feel free to introduce yourself in the comments! I'd love to meet you and your characters :)