1. Do you watch/read pornography?
Hard to read pornography when you have your balls rested on the book while you watch porn. What, you do not do that? It's paper to jizz on. Not all of us are rich and can afford facial tissues.

2. Would you ever consider making (acting or directing) a porno?
For lots of money? Anything.

3. Are there any friends you've thought about sex with?
I'm going to give you checklist. Draw an X with a No.2 pencil to all that applies:
Are you a friend of mine? [X] Then we have had sex in my dreams... more than once

4. Any of your friends you have had sex with?
Checklist. Get it.
Have we met in person? [X] All of them. ALLLL OF THEEEEEMMMMM-- next question.

5. Someone famous you would have sex wi-- I HAVE SEX WITH EVERYBODY.
I...
HAVE SEX...
WITH EVERYBODYYY

6. Attracted to (men/women)?
Inanimate objects like lamps

7. Do you masturbate?
Answering these questions has continuously stopped me from masturbating. I just might have to give up to finish. Finish masturbating that is.

8. Would you rather oral or anal?
Was anal an option? Guys? Really? Why didn't anyone tell me!?

9. Would you rather be the dominant partner or the submissive partner in a relationship?
I'm the king! I have it my way.

10. Would you ever want to be tied?
It happens often. My libido is off the charts. After awhile, when they can't handle another hot dicking, they tie me down and escape.

11. Want to answer more questions involving tying?
*yawn* No! What is this? A "50 Shades of Grey" meme? Bitch! Get a better kink. Heh. Kink. Rope. Get it? Eeeeeeee

12. Would you rather your sexual partner(s) be shaved, or unshaved?
Bush diameter 1.5"x2"x1.5" thick; shaved, smooth around that. I will have my ruler!

13. Are you a flirt?
I'm a bad wittle doggie. *puppy eyes*

14. Do you own sexy underwear?
Fruit of the Loom and Hanes make the sexiest underwear! Oh gawd. Must... return... to... fapping!

15. Pee games?
I got the gold in the pee games. Ash got the clear and Tez got the cloudy.

16. Favorite features on a sexual partner?
Bellybutton. *fists your bellybutton*

17. Your best features?
Me? *walks down the runway as cameras flash. Tooth dings. Hair flowing. Muscles flexed. Toe nails shimmer. Dick winks* I guess... hmmm... my personality. Yeah.

18. Would you have sex with music playing?
I have had sex with an instrument. We played such a lovely tune that night. Was like listening to a violin while on a gondola in Vienna. *the noise of a screeching violin accompanied by a sputtering in a tuba echoes in the distance*

19. Favorite word for sex?
"Hi."

20. Sex on a holiday?
The more Christian a holiday is the better. Other holida-- I finished! Remember that I was masturbating up until a few seconds ago. Hawt, right?

21. Wound puss?
Sticky please. No. Stickier.

22. Tips to turn you on?
A $20 tip will do it.

So. ... *looks at you* ... Are we going to have sex or knot?

Yo! Don't take this seriously!