Well, it has been awhile, hasn't it?

I will be honest, I am rarely on FA anymore. After my sister-in-law passed in August of 2020, the rest of the year kicked me while I was still down. I separated from my spouse in September and had to move back to my hometown. I was hopping between homes for a minute, working odd jobs, and just trying to get my things together. I couldn't get psychiatric care because Tricare is a joke, couldn't even get regular healthcare, because again, Tricare. I had to change my number, my address, and had to start my life over from scratch. The year 2020 left me blind-sided, confused, and feeling pretty damn hopeless. But, things have since gotten better.
In November I had finally gotten a part-time job at a gas station. It didn't pay much, but it was meant to hold me over until I could start school. School was SUPPOSED to happen in January, but, because my divorce is not finalized and some papers could not be acquired on time due to circumstance and finances, I had to put off school for the time. I just now got my car title, so I am trying my hardest to get all that squared away so I have reliable transportation in the future. But, I just got the call today that I have been hired full-time as a Correctional Officer!!! I am...shocked (a bit), but also so relieved. I mean, this offers me a job with the city which comes with tons of benefits. I will make better money and have so many job opportunities if I choose to climb the ladder. I can finally start saving for my own place and think about things like a retirement plan if it's something I stick with.

Last year may have sucked...but damn did it teach me a lot. It taught me harsher lessons...like how to dig myself out of holes I didn't know I was digging in the first place. It really shed light on how bad of situation I really had been in while living in Texas. I have had so much time to reflect on who I was, what I had become, and how much better I am doing now that I am just free of it all.

I remember that when I wrote my last journal entry about Greer...I mentioned how I was downloading the trial for Final Fantasy XIV in memory of her. I just want to say that...the game really has changed my life. Last night I sat in the game, in a tavern, talking with a friend about the weird circumstances of everything. How, had everything in 2020 not happened, we might not have ever met, and how we talked basically every day now, how this person was part of my routine, my daily life, and how much joy they just brought to it. My character: Idher? She would have never come to be. The stories I have created and memories made with her, truly would cease to exist. It was an odd thought, a bit sad, but overall filled me with a strange sense of happiness. One of those "everything happens for a reason" moments.

So, overall, I have been very blessed so far in 2021...even though I know I can not say it the same for everyone else.
I am thankful for the small things:
1. I have my health
2. I am stepping into a better job
3. I have a roof over my head
4. I have amazing friends
5. I have found my creativity again
6. I have a direction
7. I have nothing chaining me down

So...yeah. I am hoping to keep this going for the rest of the year. No matter how hard it might get, no matter the challenges I face, I just wanna remain thankful for the things that do make my life wonderful. Thankful for those midnight phone calls from old friends from Germany, thankful for voice-chatting with newer friends and making memories, thankful for the role-plays which allow me to escape when I feel overwhelmed, and thankful for the overall love and support I have been getting while going through one of the darkest times in my life. Any other goals I have will happen when they happen. Right now I just wanna keep this momentum in moving forward...on to my new adventure, whatever that may be :)