Disregard the last journal... these are my true words:

I have an apology to make. I need to apologize to everyone here on FA that either knew me and Raziel, or who had made art depicting me and him together… and most of all, I need to apologize to my husband, who is not here on FA.

To my husband: I apologize for cheating on you, for that is what I have done. I entered into a relationship with another man that was not you, and although it never went as far as most affairs usually do (I only ever kissed him once), it went far enough that it has seriously hurt us and our relationship. I do not know WHY I did this, but I truly apologize for my actions, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for forgiving me and staying with me, for although I did do what I did do, I never really wanted to do anything to hurt you. I love you with all my heart… always have, always will. I apologize for all the lies that I told to other people about you. You’re not the monster I made you out to be… in fact, I could think of no better person on this earth. I apologize for my stupidity, and want to assure you that I never truly wanted to leave you. I lied to him as much as I lied to you, and for that I am also sorry. I am sorry that I didn’t have the courage to confess my mistakes to you personally, and that you had to hear of them from someone else. Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for forgiving me, and agreeing to help me get the help I need so that our relationship and our love will continue and be even stronger in the end. I love you. Always have, always will… no matter what lies I told Raziel to the contrary.

To everyone at FA that got dragged into this: I apologize to you for assisting in this wrongful act and the deceptions included therein. Raziel and I were never truly “mates”, are not “mates”, and never will be “mates”. I made a mistake in thinking that I needed him to believe that we ever were or ever could be… I’ve realized now that I never needed that from anyone but the person who has always been, and is thankfully still, by my side. I am sorry that your artistic talents had to be tainted by this wrongful situation, and I apologize for lying to some of you regarding the quality of your work… quite frankly, some of it I didn’t care for, although I had to pretend that I did to keep up the web of lies that I had built around myself. That web has been completely dismantled, and so now I admit the truth… some of the art created featuring me and him quite honestly made me sick… it did then, it still does now.

Just to let everyone know, I do this not for sympathy, or for any reason other than I feel that I need to admit what I did in public. I need no one’s forgiveness other than that of the person I have already received it from. I will never log on to this site ever again, so if you comment, I really don’t care. I’ll never know. Again, I’m sorry. Sorry for making bad choices that should have been easy not to make, sorry for hurting my husband, and sorry for almost destroying my family. It’s nowhere near over now, as I have a lot of repair work to do with my marriage (which should never have needed to happen), but for all intents and purposes, this matter is done. Over. I hereby vow to be the best wife I can be to the man I love, the man who has always loved me more than I ever deserved but for some reason I could never see, and I vow to get the help I know I need to make sure that this never happens again so that when I’m 60 years old, sitting next to my husband Chris (not Raziel), I can drink bad lemonade with him on a porch in a rocking chair and beat him with my cane for not taking out the trash. I am no longer afraid to admit my mistakes. Now is the time to fix them.

Goodbye.