It seems no matter where I turn, or what I do....sadness is following me. I don't care if it sounds emo, or whatever..But sadly, it's true. I cannot remember, for the life of me...a 24 hour period, where I was happy. It seems every time that I get happy, something brings me down. I get to a point, where I am satisfied with my life...and poof. it disappears. It seems like I've tried everything, seriously. =\

I know...I'm going to get a "keep trying, it's not the end of the world" or a "You're young, things will work out later on"

Y'know what? I don't know if there will be a later on. I've been severely depressed for years now, and I just can't seem to keep it under any sort of control. God, I can't believe I'm telling you all this, but I've been on the edge of suicide three times in the past month. Each time, I get less and less scared...Now I know what he was talking about. =\

I don't want it to come to the point, to where I'm not scared at all....that fear is what has been keeping me here. I don't want the fear of death to go away, but I feel it slipping further and further every day....

I know, if anyone is reading this, they are going to say "It's just a cry for help, he's not really going to kill himself."

Well, guess what? This is a cry for help. I've been trying to deal with this on my own, for so god damn long...But I just can't...I tried to sort out my life, and get things straight. But things keep falling apart. I feel....I dunno...like the odd one out? I guess that's how to put it. I kinda feel like a third wheel, so to speak. People have been telling me not to be so emo, and whiny, and all of that...But I need to be now. I need to let this stuff out. it's destroying me trying to keep it all in...=\

I guess....what this whole thing is about, is that I kinda feel...alone. I used to have people I could go to, but I wore their patience thin with my whining. +Sigh+ A very, very good friend of mine, just yesterday....told me that I've changed, and a lot for the better. Now, I'm not so sure I have, since I'm just going back to my old...whiny habits. He said that I have a wisdom most people don't have.

Hey, if I had wisdom...wouldn't I know how to deal with my depression? Or is it just normal for people to feel....completely lost, and confused while they are depressed? Any input would be appreciated...=\

Sorry that I'm....flinging this out there, but I can't hold it in. I needed to get it out somehow, or it was just going to eat at me, constantly. I appreciate anyone who read this entire thing, and I'm sorry you had to sit there, and read through this entire wall of text, just to find out it's ALL about me being depressed. But hey, the title warned you.

Anyways, I'll stop my rant here. Thanks, to anyone who bothered to listen. Even if you say nothing...at least you listened....