a friend of mine suggested to me that I create an account here for my art, so I thought Id drop in and see what's going on around here. Ive heard a lot of positive things recently about this site, which makes me think maybe I should check it out for myself and see if it's any good

'Im pretty new to the furry community, so I hope things go well, and feel welcome to chat if you like

I am shy also. I have trouble often because i do not understand what people are trying to tell me. I am not used to being social with people, but I try to be. I'm also not used to the internet and the way that people interact

all of this is very new to me. I have not taken the time needed to learn, but I talk to people when they talk to me, but only if I understand what they are saying

it is hard to act if I feel what I am doing will affect people badly or if it will affect me in a bad way. it is also hard to be myself because I have been misused for what they know about me. I have had my e-mail hacked and my accounts hacked in this fandom by a knowledgeable person and my art stolen, so it has been hard to be a part of the community

I will try despite these offensive things

I have been hurt for trusting people to make the better decision, so please be patient with me. i am mistreated and not told why, and I cant even be friends with my old friends because if I am I am singled out and recognized for it

I have been hurt by many people, and it has been hard to be me because I am not allowed to talk to my old friends or enjoy my interests without being stalked and singled out for it. They will not talk to me clearly. They do not understand or care what I have to say, and for this problem I do not know what to do to be a part of their group or find acceptance

i feel like they try to get me to make mistakes and wont try to help me. I feel like they are harming me for their amusement, but they're forgiven because they are trying to be somebody to other people, and also have an identity they can respect themself

I know what they are going through because I was once like them. I enjoyed a whole lot of attention and was popular once, but found that I couldn't be myself either for listening to everyone tell me how to be or what to do, so it became hard to know who to listen to, or who cared about me outside of their art business

they asked me over and over again to carry them, but then would do things to me that I didn't understand because they would not take the time to explain them to me. I tried talking and they wouldn't work with me to understand. Instead they used riddles and tried to be clever and passively communicative, but I had told them that I don't understand that or what they mean for them doing this, and also it is hard to listen to so many people tell me something, especially if it never seems to go anywhere despite knowing what they mean

I am looking for people who care enough to listen to me, and think about how I feel as much as I think about and care for them. I do not know how to be a perfect person. I am just me, and it is hard to be accepted being me because I do not live up to the standards of more popular and intelligent people. They make me nervous to do anything because they argue that even the littlest thing I do is something they should be upset over, so I don't know how to joke with them or converse

i don't know how to talk to them, or how to get them to understand or listen, or what they want or expect me to do. They want me to be friends but I don't know how if this is going to be a problem, so I wait for friendly patient people to approach me instead because then I know it is ok to try

there is a letter code that people online use I have heard. it doesn't make sense to me, and for some reason they think Im using it when I'm not. They read into what I say too much, and act without thinking about me or how it affects me, which in turn affects the people I'm trying to bond with

i don't know if they pretend not to care or if they do. I just know that it has ruined my life, so I am adopting a different approach that is more passive, because I was at my best and most rational being able to think without that interference or all those people telling me what to think in a confusing manner

The time I was most at peace was when I was on another site, and my circle of friends was small. it is hard to be friends with many people because one cant bond with all of them without keeping them entertained or happy and setting aside time to be with each of them so they appreciate it

I don't want to be used for money or popularity. I just want to make friends and have my private life private and not worry about people not trusting me because I don't share certain things with them

my old friend used to know how that was, and when they became someone they hurt me and forgot, and pretended I did nothing to help them and that I was a bad person. Because of that I almost gave up and stayed offline and didn't try with anyone

I am hurt for being disabled and because they don't want to talk to me like I'm a person. they pretend I don't exist and don't have feelings, and I am hurt by them all the time, even though they know I have been hurt most of my life. They often use what they know of me to do so, and pretend they love me

they have forgotten, but I haven't, because when I forget I become like that myself. I still love them, but they wont help me to understand, so I cant know who they are or what they want. people talk for them, but they themselves do not make it understood. they have always remained unknowable, and so I don't know them or how to be with them

they don't love me for who I am, and they don't understand that I cant change who I am. I can not be outgoing because that isn't me. I cant be brave in social situations because that is not me. I cant be good looking or smart because I cant function and have mental and health problems caused by being hurt throughout my life, and I cant be normal because I don't know what that is for how I'm treated abnormally

they cant change that in the way they're trying to. it is hard too because I know that I have hurt them also, and i feel like they think that if I could that i would because they think I wouldn't be able to forgive them

I do not know who they are anymore. They are not the person I used to know, and I have spent many years reliving the bad things that I went through before I met them trying to be close, and I am pushed further and further away because they have what they wanted now

it is hard to know if they would abandon me, so I don't know what to do. They do not make it easy, and mock me instead of trying. if they are trying to teach me then they do not understand that the way they are doing so is not making a difference. It is making the problems worse, and ruining my standing with people

I am not the same either. I have changed also because I have seen who I used to be in them, and realize now that it was very hard to like me

I hope one day they learn to treat me like a person and not a dog or an idiot. I hope one day they try to be close instead of insulting me and making me feel alone or worthless, and I hope they do not forget how close we used to be, because that was when i was the happiest

they have lost many friends because of their mindset, as I did myself, because respect came first, business came first, self came first, even in the effort to be accepted by other people

that is who I used to be, so I do understand

however, there are things about me which can not be changed, and they refuse to accept that, and are conditional so that it becomes hard for anyone to love them or be close, which I also understand because I was also like that

the hardest thing is to try and be close to someone who isn't themselves, and who worries about what other people think more than what I think, or when they don't let me know who they are. They argue they are me, but I can't exist in two different places

all that I know is what I can understand. if I can't understand then I do not have a good teacher, because I have learned before from other people, and proven that I can be taught

they will not show me the right way. they only show me how ugly I am, and it is hard to feel loved. if they become whatever they think I want them to be, then they do not know themselves and can not be themselves for who they are independent of me

if I can not love myself, how can I love anyone who follows my poor example given that I no longer understand? Am I to feel bad about who I am? Then how can I become anything else if all I am told is that I am a bad person or can not be worthy of love?

I see what you are doing. I understand what you want me to do, but I can not do it through these approaches or methods

it is not a sound system for encouraging change in me. it is one that justifies harm if anyone goes against that system. If there is no patience or understanding how can anyone talk to me? How can I know what is best to do in these situations for avoiding them trying to entrap me i an unwanted conflict that never has a positive resolution?

it is hard to trust people who have never been honest about their tactics or self or interest in me. I have been very honest and I have been very clear and open about being here and who I am

they only focus on those things they like, but they like them without me, so then how do they argue they love me? I am nowhere in it, and what's missing is swept under the rug or enjoyed privately and not mutually. It seems the only reason they liked me is for my interests and not me as a person

I do not know why they need to pretend or why they are acting. They don't understand that I forget because the stress they cause me results in me having to forget just to live

it is much too much pressure, and it is because they want me to be something I can not be, and only argue that who I am is bad. They don't even see themselves for their actions because they are not aware of the harm they cause

I know saying these things may not help, but it is what I was thinking, and I sympathize with them because the closest person they had outside of their friends and relatives is unable to know them now. I know this must be hard for them, but I did what I did because I saw the harm I was causing them in their life. They could not be themselves because they were living and trying to please me

what can I do if I can not change? Should I go back to being alone, and how can I if I have to interact with people in rl who think poorly of me because of what this has done to me?

Do you see why I was living alone now? Do you understand why I had no friends? I hope you do, and I hope you don't blame me because I had to do what i could to avoid the worst from happening to me, and people left me or turned on me every time because I did not want to be hurt anymore and acted defensively, as they have

so I understand, but these things have taken everything from me and given me nothing but shame, shame that I have to live with, shame that allows strangers to know me and hurt me also, and a job that I can not do because I have not managed to feel welcome or at home being hunted down and shamed further

it is strange that the only man who is himself in an animal community is made sport of. When will he ever be a person to anyone?

when he is a robot, or not himself? When he is living for people so that he can't live himself in rl, to where he wastes away trying to please everyone and carry the economy?

will you ever like me? Should my life be lived trying to have your approval? When do I live then? When do you live either?

Im not sarcastic. I'm confused. Im confused because we do not talk openly to each other as people, because I am treated less than anyone else here even though I have helped many people, and been here every day trying instead of hiding

A man can only handle so much stress, and art is a mystery when it is argued that my views mean nothing and that the subject is coincidence

I do not understand sarcasm, and can not know it in text

I chose a fantasy world before because I knew it would not harm me, because there I could be who I wanted to be, and like myself for it. It was because in rl I could not have these things. i could not be liked or seen as a hero or a good person. I could not be loved for what intelligence I had to offer because I was only seen as being obsolete or old or ugly or fat or useless

people would not let me like myself, and many had to settle for fiction or their idealized version of me because I could not become what they wanted

every time I have taken a risk Ive been harmed or failed. it is because my limitations are real, and living in denial of them just causes more suffering

there was not anyone there. The only time I have value to anyone is when I am treated like a mule. it is hard to live thinking this or feeling this

they would not let me be myself for my positive potential because of things which could have been settled by talking. Instead they acted, and did not talk. They made art and said it was for me, but it wasn't. They tried to tell me this place is how I made it, and it isn't. if it were I wouldn't be an outcast in my own home, or not be allowed to show my face

it is hers now, just as the old website I came from was hers too. I have given everything I could, and my love, and told it was not enough. I have tried to be clear and communicate, and that has been lost on people

so be yourself then. I will be me. I am me, and anyone who says I'm not worthy of anything is being themselves also for arguing some people have no value at all

how can I have value if I'm not permitted to have it or people pretend I'm not there? How can I be anywhere if I am not welcome there? How can I be someplace if it makes my life hell?

How can i be with people if they only live to make me feel poorly and excluded and worthless, and kill my ability to dream or try to be more, just to look superior or have public acceptance?

I'm sorry that I am not thin or attractive. I'm sorry that I have been scarred by things in life psychologically. I am sorry for my imperfection

I find love where I'm accepted and loved openly. I find I'm able to love and accept people where this happens also, and even where it fails

the world knows who I am, and have observed what has happened, and I've only failed where I was tempted to do wrong because it was argued that I should be more outgoing and casual

I have now given you everything, including my love, and have nothing more to give if it won't be accepted. I want to enjoy the remainder of my life because until now so much of it has been bad or negative due to my problems being accepted by people for not being a perfect person or not knowing what they are doing

so I'm going to leave this site and everything you now have to you, because I am afraid that, as I have before, I will only make things worse

thank you for trying with me one last time to help me, but you can't. Not like this, and not without love or understanding

I love you all, and thank you. People who are cruel to me are being themselves, even regardless of the argument that I am the exception to how they treat other people

they must learn to live with this aspect of who they are also, as I have, and work to be more tolerant and communicative

if they don't, then their claim is fallible, as much as anyone is. If they stand for good, then they wouldn't rationalize anything that is not good for impact

I am here, and I talk to anyone. It's because at some point I have lived as other people have, and now merely crave simplicity and structure

there are millions of people who aren't anything great in the world, but they can be happy. therefore so can I

I have been myself, and what I am is contented in being imperfect. Being imperfect and being frustrated by it is what causes me to change. It was why I did anything before, even drawing. Out of the need for something, or the feeling that I wasn't being weighed by people, I found that I was better at trying to become more

I can not find work though outside of those who are willing to hire me, and those are very few because of my disabilities making social interaction difficult, and there are few jobs that work with that

it was that frustration that caused me to try and do what I have, and to not give up

As long as the people who matter love me I am fine, and I hope one day they will not be so insecure or afraid of talking to me, or mistake me as not caring

Like many times before, I have been harmed for caring, so before I was hiding that I did

I do not feel the need to now, and I know that they love me as long as they allow me to be here

if they do not, then they are failing to communicate with me so that I know what they mean. if they care they will work with me instead of treating me like I do not matter or don't exist

if there is gratitude then I will recognize it also

if I didn't care or trust people, I would leave. If I thought they meant me harm, I wouldn't stay

I'm here to learn where their intentions lie, and to bond according to that as best as I am able to

I think now that I know them for who they are. The problem now is that they can't like me for myself because I am not their ideal

I wish that I was, but to become that will change me for the worse. it will. it will because I default to being my worst when I am someone because the struggle to remain humble becomes hard

it is why I live like I do. I feel that if I were anything more than this that I would become a jerk for it, like other people become when they become valued or attractive. they forget who they are, or what it is like, and if they are mindful then they are able to change their thinking in a way I can't

I have to be little to be happy, and I have to keep it small and personal and build my relationships on trust

if people only care about money or attention when they give me anything, then we can't grow closer because that is more important than the relationship. if they only give me attention it does nothing either. if what they do is for someone else, then to think it's for me is a mistaken assumption

sarcasm doesn't work. it harms those who mistaken it for sincerity

sometimes the wording is just that poorly phrased. Sometimes I'm tested when I'm not even aware of it

I have never been good at being tested, and the means to succeed cost me more because of what i have to resort to in terms of what I know works with my mental and physical limitations

if someone can not love me, then how are they capable of love?

not in the fullest sense

if those journals are lost, then what are people following? what are they quoting? Who is it for?

that was the argument made to me, and I do not know whether anyone has preserved them

and who for? Where are they? Where is this person that people look up to who isn't there?

what reason would that person have to hide? Why are they locked out of their own home?

were they doing anything wrong last time? Not that I could tell. All that I know is that they were suspended because someone used their influence to make it happen without discussing the matter with them

how much do they care or are willing to try if they won't? Is anyone fooled by that elaborate deception?

then what is the point? the issue wasn't behavior from what I could tell. it was someone trying to reunite and help people and redeem himself as best he could despite his failing health

and he was banned

there was no excusable reason given change and the pressure to reassume the old position of helping people. they argue anything that suits them, and yet offer no instruction other than they're better off than the person being victimized and bullied into compliance

where are they trying beyond their image? if it is not a place for that person, or they are not allowed to be here, then what is it?

a club built around the harming of one man? who would want to be part of that or chained to it?

who wants to feel worthless or indebted?

that is why the freedom was given back to people, because they haven't been themselves

they've been living for one person, and that isn't right. they can't be themselves without trying to appeal to that one person, so there is no diversity

I am told this site was here before that person came along. Who were you then?

Who are you now, and do you feel like you are living?

I don't think he feels the same way. I think he feels like a prisoner of a system that would label him as garbage if he didn't try, and why would he if he doesn't manage to make a difference or can't even have those basic things most people take for granted?

perhaps I'm mistaken for believing that anyone else could contribute to a problem. if they wanted change, they would help to make it possible. if they will not help, then they do not care, and are cutting their losses because they also do not have a life beyond living for that one person

I don't take anything that has been given to me for granted. I don't think he did either. I think as usual someone made an assumption and acted first, believing that he had not changed or that he wasn't good for business

where is he then, and why won't he talk to anyone?

I sympathize with this man, because I know him, and have made the effort to better than most people have. it is because I took the time to, and not resort to deception or impressing people in my manner of instruction

therefore, he was no longer confused. How strange to think it could be that simple

people have made a home for a man who is not allowed to live among them, for a man who doesn't exist, just to force him to be someone he isn't

Imagine what that must be like. I'm sure that would be enough to discourage most people who would be in his position. I'm sure it would seem as though they did not like him for who he is either, and that he had to become who they wanted him to be to have it

Is he bad? Just because people keep their lives private so we cannot know their wrongs? How easy it is I'd think to posture as spotless by doing so

We are not perfect people. the best we can do is to cause as little infringement on others as possible I think, and to be compassionate to those who do not know nor recognize these things because no one has gotten them to understand

this is a website for a young person who used to be an outcast. they have made the best of things and didn't misuse what they had been given

The other half did, because he could not know what people were doing or if they meant to keep him in perpetual suspense or servitude thinking that one day they could learn to love him. I watched him as he lost sleep over these things, went without eating, even developed issues regarding his health trying to prove himself valid

but because of stress and pressure he would falter, and people held that against him despite claiming they were there. Some were, but they left after seeing this so many times, and so he had no one to confide in anymore. They left, and dismissed him as not being worth the trouble

there was no active discussion. there was art for other people with messages telling him who he wasn't and how he had failed them or what he would never have being who he is

perhaps the problem was that he faulted people also for faltering? maybe it was for being in that position and casting judgement carelessly about to begin with

I honestly don't think he doesn't understand this. I just feel as though he has lived a very long time and the effect of these ordeals can be taxing since he is having to become something other than who he is in default

but for anyone to say he is not trying is anything but accurate

what if that was why people had become afraid of him? what if the worry was that he was only concerned about himself and living off of other people?

I talked to him, and it is very hard for him to be out in public for how people judge him. Even online it is hard to talk to people because when he goes to streams and talks to people they ignore and judge him there, and still they tell him he's the most important person here and yet the least important

how can so many people rely on one person like that and then say he doesn't matter?

if he is a groom or a boyfriend either, how? He's told he is hated and doesn't exist, and even if he wants to believe that is for the purpose of hiding some effort it still hurts him as much as if he had said it to anyone he cared for

how many actual friends does he have? How many people have misused him? how many have tried to demean him sexually? How is adopting that for a standard progressive?

he's still here, but only because he wants to be and cares. Those that mean what they say will try, and anything vague cannot be acted upon by him

he's faulted for everything and then punished and harmed for it, so what can he do then?

what was wrong before? What did he do wrong yesterday that he got banned? trying to save his reputation so he can go outside and not be hated by people?

how can he make up for the past if he isn't allowed to? How do people argue they care if they wont even let him change or try?

maybe he just wanted to feel important or use his attention to help people. What was he going to use it for himself? Especially if he could not offer art or writing, or talk to people without them being passively cruel to him?

is the effort being invested in the wrong areas?

he isn't sitting on anyone now, is he?

he's banned, but people carry on as though he is still here. Why?

rarely does anyone answer these questions. I feel like that would be confusing, especially to someone who doesn't know what you're trying to say for contradiction

this man and I are the same for experience. I have been where he has been before, which is why I feel badly for his condition and what people impose on him

he is not valued otherwise, and so he is beneath everyone. he has always been placed beneath people to where he doesn't trust anything else. he doesn't know what that is for his limited understanding. He only trusts and believes blindly

he's harmed for that too because people say he doesn't mean it, because they want him to be wrong so they can punish him again to further themselves

where does the behavior argue that they want to be close to him? Because they imitate him? because they know what he wants and use it to control him and lead him around for years as an argument to his character or faith in people?

if you can't be that person then what are you doing?

I think he will be willing to believe you to a certain point. the rest he can't know for lack of experience or knowing your thoughts

he can do little himself either to prove his case because people undermine him for it. More attractive men come about claiming to be a better option, people spy on him so that when he commissions someone to do flattering art they undermine his gestures

how about you point openly to it so that he knows it's for him? if you're hiding it there must be another reason, and if you're willing to hurt him for that reason then how much do you care?

it doesn't matter what you tell them. What matters is how you manage to prove to him you mean it, especially if you claim that it's for his sake you're doing this. Otherwise it's for them and yourself, not him, and you have no argument to care since appearances mean more to you

if he knew what you meant he wouldn't be confused, especially for knowing how bad he has it. he doesn't see himself as you do. he doesn't even know who he is other than he is a good man who loves someone and is judged heavily for every mistake he makes

what do people argue a man governs if he can't even govern his own life? At best he can only be grateful and try to return the favor, and hope that's understood by the other party, even if he has to be very open and plain about it

this site is yours as i have said. it belongs to you and them, and not me. The effort made is not easily understood because this man is told he is making an erring assumption

he can not know you unless you take off the mask. if you are hiding your interest in him then he will not nor will ever understand what you want other than to have someone to mistreat

if everything is a uncanny coincidence, then what are people even saying? How is he wrong for believing what they want him to believe?

how is being cautious or putting distance there meant to avoid more of the same? How can he even have any time to himself or privacy?

did he want to be a celebrity, or did people want him to be so he could continue to serve them as one?

He probably doesn't understand. Maybe instead of insulting him and making him feel like an outcast and them blaming him for that you should think more constructively

there are celebrities which have no skills. They're just recognized as one for having publicity. Why then does he have to become a role model?

so that other people like him don't accept this is the only way?

there will come a time when you will treat him like a person. Until you do, he will be whatever you say he is because that is what you will see him as. No matter what he does you will fault him or blame him if you continue arguing he is good for nothing but furthering you being a scapegoat for your actions

why is anyone exempt from this given what they're saying? Why would he ever draw if his work is used without his permission and profited off of?

where did anyone argue to care in doing so? was it his vision?

it is better to be yourself and be appreciated for who you are, to have your own characters, to not have to assimilate one man's ideas to where he doesn't even own them anymore or has negative associations with them

when hasn't he been harmed for sharing his life with you? is he even upset about it?

just sad, because he can't know what you mean. he knows how he feels, but not you, and when he tries to have an answer he is ignored or hurt emotionally for just being audacious enough to try and have a direct answer, for doing what other people refuse to do, and being direct about it

despite all his problems, he does this. Anyone else wouldn't have in these conditions as they are, and for how nervous being frank makes him, he still loves the person because he knows they just want to be appreciated fully for more than what they can give him, for who they are

he is no different