So this is a quick update, for no other reason than I accidentally put myself into a mood and I'm trying to distract myself from it. Not sure why I thought this would work, to be honest. There's a lot I don't feel comfortable about discussing publicly, and I hate being that guy who's vague about what's bugging him because then it looks like I'm trying to milk things for sympathy.

(Speaking which, I'd like to take a moment to thank folks who've occasionally checked in with me during quiet patches, made sure I'm okay, etc. I may not be great about showing it in the moment, but I sincerely appreciate it.)

But what else is there to talk about? My own personal writing isn't going anywhere. And my professional writing, such as it is, is pretty much dead in the water. Without getting into details, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown back in April and May, and botched the last paying gig I had. Dunno if I'll be offered another, when they weren't exactly beating my door down before. And I'm almost terrified of being offered another one (let alone seek it out myself), because I legitimately don't know if I'll ever be in good enough working order to do any sort of contracted writing in the future.

(The thing that hurt the most, in retrospect, was learning that I had confidence to lose.)

In the meantime, I'm still lingering in a couple of Discords connected to work I've done in the past, practically waiting for someone to realize how long it's been since I've written anything relevant and kicking me out. Not that I think they would, but few things feed impostor syndrome like being surrounded by people who regularly prove they belong there.

...

Alright, so this is me, like, a week later after putting that blog post draft down with a weary sigh and deciding to come back later when I'm in a better mood. I could, and perhaps even should, rewrite all the pissing and moaning above, but I want to be more emotionally honest with myself and everyone else, and that's not going to happen if I'm redacting my thoughts for fear of looking like a dipshit.

The only thing I can bring myself to really work on at the moment is the half-baked story I've mentioned a few times in passing, trying to find beta readers for the first chapter. Though that said, what response I have gotten from that is encouraging enough I'm still somewhat enthusiastic to keep hammering away at it for now. (Speaking of which, I'm still open for people wanting to give me feedback on the first chapter.)

I've got other stuff I need to go back and revise, or finish, or finish and then revise. As encouraging as my therapist has been on the matter, it's still an uphill battle to convince myself it's worth the effort. It doesn't help much that with all the trouble I've had focusing on issues right in front of me, it's a miracle I get any writing done, let alone remember to work on stuff that's fallen by the wayside.

(There's a version of this post on my more general blog with an aside about some gaming stuff that's not really relevant here so I cut it, but I at least wanted to make a note of it.)

Anyhow, I think that more or less covers anything I feel the need to say at the moment. There's other stuff I could say, but that feels like it needs a dedicated post and a more appropriate mood. Honestly, going back to finish this post I began in a really shitty headspace isn't doing much for my current headspace. Anyhow, having provided something akin to proof-of-life, I'm just gonna drift back off again. If you need me, you know how to find me.