I'm still getting over it. It's been a few months, and I'm still getting over it. Let me take you to December of 2018. I just got my grades for what I think is my last semester at CC for my Associates in Computer Science. That night, my spouse had his blood pressure drop, and he passed out in the kitchen, getting a hairline fracture on his left arm, and landing on the tile floor, thus shattering his right shoulder. From there, his kidney disease kept changing stages for a couple months. He started dialysis, and that didn't do much.
For all of 2019, I was in between trying to help him, doing odd jobs to supplement income, arguing with the CC after finding out that I hadn't graduated after all--6 weeks AFTER commencement! Ralph (my spouse of 25 years) was slowly getting worse to the point of being in hospital more than at home.
Ralph then developed this very uncommon condition called calciphylaxis, which is where calcium starts to block the vessels that feed the skin. This results in patches of skin dying and leaving open sores that leave one vulnerable to infection, and they are insanely painful. It got to the point he was in hospital full time. His nephrologist told me that with the severity of the sores and having gone into end-stage kidney disease, there was no hope.
We moved him into a hospice on Saturday 28 December, and I visited with him for several hours. I just had "that" feeling, and as he wasn't on the heavy painkillers, he was very lucid in his last hours. I got the call at a bit before 6am, and started the chain calling of family, friend, and a funeral home. The last bit was because the facility didn't have a morgue.
Well, I had too much to do to even start mourning, because there was family coming in, I had to pick a date for the memorial, then the cremation got delayed 2 days, so we just got everyone together, told amusing stories of Ralph's life, ate some good food, and got through the day. It took me a couple weeks before I finally had that emotional release.
Just when I think that I might get a break from the train of catastrophe, hello COVID-19. Yeah, that's going to help my depression and anxiety.

So, that's what's been going on in my life. I may post some prose I've been writing as part of my therapy. I really hope everyone else has been doing better.

--Nerikull (aka Scott)