You only own three spices - salt, pepper, and ketchup

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit

The mosquitoes have landing lights

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car

You have ten favorite recipes for venison

The hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas

You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow

You think everyone from the city has an accent

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only eight buttons

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car

The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires six pages for sports

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof

You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday

You head south to go to your cottage

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck

You know which leaves make good toilet paper

The mayor greets you on the street by your first name

The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo - its sausage making

You find -20?F a little chilly

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze

You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots

You can play road hockey on skates

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout

You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

Your town buys a zamboni before a bus

You actually "get" these jokes, and forward them to all your Northern friends

Fucking Vermont