Hello,

Been three years since my last journal. Dunno if anyone cares to read this. Thats not going to stop me

I need to come clean. Much of my anxiety stems from the fandom and my own destructive ADHD habits. I was never medicated/treated properly for my condition, leading to many self destructive habits. People that I was supposed to trust, I'd worry I make one mistake, I'd be outed as a terrible person or whatever. I look back, why does that matter? I need to stay true to myself, and not worry what others think of me.

Also since last journal. I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. Long story short, it was stirring the pot with my adhd and other destructive conditions such as anxiety and depression. Couple that with being improperly treated for adhd, and I'm a victim to my on mental and physical suffering. These sleep apnea conditions can be seen as far back as Freshman year of college. I am thankful to be on a cpap machine now. It has literally saved my life.

I will not deny, I have been in very dark mental places this year. Battling my worst demons. Depression spent way too much money. And my grandfather is battling pancreatic cancer. (Its only a matter of time)

But, I am grateful for where I am at today. Finally taking care of myself. I have a canine companion who has been my lifeline. I am on a Cpap, my adhd is finally on the correct course, I am slowly cleaning my apartment and its no longer a depression hole, I'm going to ask somebody out soon, and most importantly, beginning to lose weight.

For those who have stuck with me all these years, putting up with me. The friends I have met in this fandom.

I love you