Entry 5 {9/25/13}

On Self II

Who we are is who we are. T'is a plain and simple truth. We exist therefore we are demonstrated {though some may disagree}. Yet what is it that defines us? Is it the person we see in the mirror, or who we are in our mind? It feels as though the default answer would be who we are in our minds. If only it were so simple. We as human beings are complicated, very much so. Sometimes we're born with an addictive personality, yet we don't want to be addicted to things. Sometimes we're born depressed but we want to be happy, some people are born with a sex that they don't feel matches their insides. All of this and more can be downright imprisoning, yet it's what's there naturally. Should we embrace these things? I've been mulling it around in my head, and in this is the answer that I've come up with, at the very least for myself.

It's alright to embrace who you are, as long as you're not treating others as a means to an end. It doesn't even matter if you hurt others or not, but if you're selfish about the way you conduct yourself then you're in the wrong. Being born with a sexual identity that you don't agree with is just fine. Dress up like a girl, get the surgery, whatever makes you feel happy. If it hurts your someone isn't enough to make you stop, the reasoning behind the hurt must be examined itself. Does this hurt someone you care about because you've been lying to them about who you are on the inside? Does this hurt someone because you're betraying their plan for you? By the way a great man once said, "No pet is perfect. It becomes perfect when you learn to accept it for what it is."

Now, on the other hand there are cases where embracing yourself is wrong, of course. For example if you simply delve into a sexual addiction this could hurt someone you love, someone that trusts you to stay faithful. Not because they're needy, and t'is not the time to think that they're nothing but a burden to you. What should matter is that doing this and betraying their trust is more or less like saying what you have to say just to milk them for affection. It spreads beyond that as well, using your sexual partner{s} for little more than fucking and throwing them away. Now I'm not saying that every action that we take and every portion of our personality should be scrutinized, criticized, and investigated. But there are times where we just need to sit down, breath deeply, and figure out who we truly are and what we truly want.

It's during these times when we can figure out what's wrong with us. Shame and guilt, these things aren't entirely socially oriented. Sometimes you feel it naturally even when everyone around you is pushing you forward and telling you it's the right thing to you. Personality comes naturally, yes? These feelings may truly be you communicating with you, telling you that this isn't truly the way. Again, it's alright to be yourself. It's alright to move forward with the things that you're comfortable with as long as you're not taking advantage of anyone. At the very least the aforementioned rule is a fantastic goal and marker.

Evaluating ourselves, I feel as though that's something that makes us human, something vital that animals lack. The ability to sit down and seriously think about what's going on in our diluted minds, weeding out thoughts and remaking ourselves every day that we allow ourselves to. Ultimately it's our mind that defines us, yes. Not our gender, not our sex, not these bodies that we are born in. It's theorized that the brain is the most successful parasite known to man kind. After all, what's our most important "organ"?

As an addendum, On God for a moment, there may or may not be one. This is true. Even true believers cannot prove nor disprove his existence, hardly anyone alive can do that {and often times the dead don't speak unless it's to make your body a lovely vacation house}. It is said in the bible that God is love {among a lot of other things}. If this is so, then isn't holding love in your heart the same thing as allowing God inside? Jesus said that he's a new commandment, his commandment. "Love as I love" {paraphrased}. If you're struggling with your faith when making steps towards being who you are, remember that. Walking the righteous path is walking in love. How can you love anyone if you can't love yourself? I've an idea of how that sort of love goes. You lower your value towards others and why would anyone want someone cheap, who's very little worth invested in yourself?

All of these words and more are honestly largely directed towards myself. If anyone finds something good out of this that'd make me smile.

I am thankful for:
1) The girl I love, she's the reason I'm learning these things about me and about the world.
2) My fortune, which is turning around very nicely.
3) Netflix. Supernatural is one hell of a show!
4) My friends. They keep feeding me different perspectives, and that sort of food is very healthy.
5) The internet, of course. It's unbelievable how passive we are about this miracle.

"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings"