"What if we ate some trash and got hit by traffic?? Haha, just kidding. Unless..."

Just a sleep deficient, socially awkward marsupial foraging for some succulent garbage to feast upon. You can find me in a dumpster around Tampa bay, where the trash albeit plentiful, is of pitiful quality. I'd personally love to end up splitting rent ten ways on an attic studio apartment with a band of grungy punks with loud amps in California. That is, of course to the dismay of my wallet and my future neighbors. Maybe I'll even take up tap dancing. I tend to be a jack of all trades, master of none. Typically I can't draw worth half a dam. But I'd take up writing if people took up reading. I know my way around a set of strings, my bass tends to be my daily driver. Happily eternally not in a band. Been there, done that. Wore out that stage fright. Hobbies include cooking, video games, hiking, self deprecation, travel, playing dead, music... it'd probably be easier to tell you what I don't like. Bowling and karaoke. And being in public. Oh jeez, almost forgot. People.
Might just fake my death if you try to talk to me... I'm not just an introvert, I'm aromantic. No. Not "aromatic". (Thank you though.) Definitely not "a romantic". Long story short, I don't experience the sensation of romantic attraction. Momentary infatuation is nice but exhausting. That said, I am an animal with needs. Some are inherently less appropriate... Alright, let's be honest, most of my needs are inappropriate. Pleasing is deeply ingrained in my nature as an empath. I'd do just about anything for any stranger, no less my friends. The word "no" isn't quite in my vocabulary. Please don't abuse it. But my needs for long-term companionship end at friendship. It shouldn't get in the way, I'm not exactly a catch. Don't try to change my mind, please and thank you.. I own a mirror, and mirrors can't lie.
Your trash can, or mine?? Don't mind the teeth, I only bite on command.