Dear diary,
So starts the first voluntary diary I've ever written. I have always wanted to write stories and this is the most effective way to combat writers block. I need to write and keep writing, I had already decided to start a diary at the time, but this morning at work while listing to a pod cast for furry writers one of the hosts was asked how he dealt with writers block. Simply put he doesn't stop writing, he just keeps writing about anything, A diary is something I always scoffed and avoided before, but it feels different now, perhaps because I've finally found my self. There is purpose in my life that feels like its worth writing about.
I had always known I was different. Looking back knowing what I am makes everything so much clearer. Boys always caught my attention so much easier than girls. I never really felt the urge to see a naked girl, but when ever I saw or thought I was going to see a naked guy it grabbed my attention with out fail. When I was really little I remember comparing guys to girls and thinking guys were more interesting because there was actually something to see. That comparison was made off of diagrams in a magazine and I'd felt more interest in seeing a man for real. In high school I found furry porn and if it hadn't been before, my difference was put in sharp contrast. I could enjoy the straight material, but the gay porn did more than just give me a half hearted erection, my body practically burned for it. At the end of high school I finally accepted it, but accepting I was gay and accepting my self are two different things. That’s a story for a different journal though.
I've always enjoyed cartoon animals; I like many furies enjoyed the Disney version of Robin Hood when I was a kid. My journey into becoming a furry didn't truly start until high school. While searching for stories of centaurs online I found the transformation story archive. While not explicitly furry many were furry related and somehow or another I got a link to VCL. I was and still am a veracious reader and this at the time was like a gold mine. Loads of free uncensored reading it would have been awesome if not for one terrible drawback. Most stories, that weren't a short smut, were never finished! One of my favorites was Rising Ash by Ashen Anglefox (At least I think that was the title, it was a long time ago). He wrote the first three stories in a series that was supposed to be four long. I could wine for hours about this unfinished story but I'll break it off here. When I got deeper into the fandom I knew these were the stories I wanted to write. At the time I thought I was giving up my dream of becoming a published Author, but I now have my eyes set on furplanet.
Becoming an atheist was the last of the three, and the one that gives me the most purpose. Most think that atheism is a choice, not really. Just as I never chose that two plus two equals four, I never chose for facts in my head to equal atheism. The only choice involved was what I chose to read and listen to and what facts I will accept. The religious usually take their faith emotionally and make such appeals to convert others. To a noncritical thinker this might work however to a rational atheist it means nothing because how we feel doesn't matter, what matters is what the facts bear out. To change the mind of a rational atheist they would have to bring in new facts to change the equation. Unlike being gay which is just something that I am or furry which is for fun, atheism is a purpose. It’s about pushing for a world that doesn't rely on faith, where decisions are made based on science, critical thinking, and humanism.
Well I think I've rambled long enough, at some point I'll come back to each of these three things that make up who I am. I’m not really going to bother much with dates since each will likely take more than a day to write. To whatever poor soul who reads this congratulation you just spent twenty minutes reading my lousy journal when you could have been looking at porn. Now go to Blotch’s fur affinity page and make up for lost time. http://www.furaffinity.net/user/blotch/