Grief, Memory, and Diapers

Look upon reading those three things some folks will go 'how the hell does that all make any kind of sense'?
Well today marks one week of the passing of a dear friend of mine, Barry. He was a pillar in the east coast community, a sassy queen, a brilliant pianist, silly, and wise. But most importantly well at least to me, he was the driving force to where I am today. I woke up that Monday with two things on my mind: Grief and BFC.
Grief because I knew I wasn't going to see another friend of mine, Bob who died last year, a friendly kind and gentle soul. Who taught me that to try and see the good in people and to see the nuance in the situation. Those two where one of the many losses I have felt in the past five years, including a brother, a great grandfather, a grandfather. So yes I can say I am well acquainted with this feeling.
How is it tied to BFC? I was performing my very first DJ set at my very first con. It was something Barry was happy about. I actually almost miss the opportunity to go because I would've stayed in my own room holed up. I would've missed out on new experiences, new friends, and the ability to honor his memory.
Memory, Barry or Bob would've wanted me to live and have my fun. They would've understood if I didn't but Barry being a performer would've probably kicked my ass a tiny bit. I remember he got on my ass for not trying to figure out my life. I was just going through the motions during the pandemic. Barry also was one of my biggest supporters of my DJ career.

Diapers, well because my ass is padded while writing this. Joking aside, if I allowed my grief to spiral out beyond my own ability to handle it I would've lost a chance to properly thank the two biggest babies -Barry was more of a middle but he looked cute in a diaper- that shaped my mid to late twenties. I would've never gotten a chance to meet my east coast friends who made it. I would've never been able to engage in community and see my northern friends. Hell I would've thought some people actually dislike me. But I know I'm loved and cared for. In the coming few days I know this memory will fade, but I want to send off BFC with a warm thank you. To the friends I made, the people I met, those who felt my music and to those who I gladly gave my roses to....

Thank You

- Aes the Lion