hey yall. i feel yall need some explination once again for my big disappearin act... im really sorry to everyone who has been chattin with me and all that such. i honestly feel bad. and the real of it is too much for me to talk about. the short of it... relationship failures and failing hard. ive been dealing with depression over it and i realy dont feel comfortable talkin about it. i appreciate the warm thoughts and all but please dont message me to ask about my ex. im trying to forget that chapter in my life.

anyway, i will say that this all started with a failing computer. i dont rely on my computer a whole lot so i put off gettin a new one for some time. actually i never bought a new one, my parents ended up gettin me a new one for my birthday. anyways the new computer didnt have any of my login info for any of my accounts. email included. not bein the huge tech savy person i just never bothered gettin access to everythin. in that time i was spendin more and more time with someone who i was gettin really close to. i really fell hard for this guy and... ya... im sorry i really cant think more about it. the pain is still pretty deep. and for the past few months ive been stugglin with alcohol abuse because of the breakup. i dont feel like myself anymore. and i feel like comin back here and lookin for some happy folks to converse with again might help me back on my feet.

with that said, i hope i can keep comin back regularly. might be harder some days than others but im going to try and make an effort to log in at least once a week.

and for those who ive talked with on telegram and discord. i think ive completely lost those accounts. im gonna try and get them back but i cant make any promises. for now im just limited to notes here.

if yall read this whole thing, i appreciate it. i dont expect much from anyone. but i at least feel a little better havin writtin this out.

oh and many thanks to everyone new to watchin me and for all the faves i received in my absense. theres a lot to go through and i just dont have the motivation to go and personally thank each and every one of you. so i hope this will be okay.