Hello! I'm making this journal to be a resource to anyone who might happen upon my profile. I think it's important to have a discussion about mental health in the fandom as well as to keep that discussion open and on-going. I care tons about the fandom and the people in it, so I'd like to share a small video essay on the topic of loneliness. I'd also like to talk about what it takes to be a content creator (artist, writer, musician, ect.) as well as something you might be familiar with called the hedonic treadmill.

In the video, the channel called Kurzgesagt, who you may know for their excellent videos on Dyson spheres or black holes, explores, defines, and traces the biological origin behind the feeling of loneliness as well as suggest actionable advice that I've found very inspiring.

(Hopefully, the video embeds correctly in my journal. If not, you can find it by clicking this sentence.)
https://youtu.be/n3Xv_g3g-mA

For me, the main takeaways were these:

1. Loneliness is a feeling no one should ever be ashamed of. It is a bodily function like the feelings of tiredness, hunger, or thirst. It is your body's way of telling you to pay attention to your social needs. You should never be ashamed to tell anyone, including acknowledging it yourself, that you're lonely. It is simply a need that should be addressed when you feel it, as when your throat feels dry or when you feel a faint pain in your stomach.

8:08-8:32 wrote:"The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of. Literally everybody feels lonely at some point in their life. It's a universal human experience. You can't eliminate or ignore a feeling until it goes away magically, but you can accept that you feel it and get rid of it's cause."

2. Loneliness can very quickly become a self-sustaining cycle. The importance of breaking out of that cycle as early as possible cannot be overstated. While the video explains details better than I can, the idea is that loneliness causes real pain, just like physical pain, that makes you defensive and more apt to push others away and, in turn, sink yourself deeper into loneliness. So, quickly, the feeling of loneliness spirals out of control, feeds into itself, and can cause depression. It's very important to be proactive and to try being even more social when we feel lonely as being defensive can only make it worse. Instead of trying to solve loneliness by raising the castle walls and donning armor, we should reach out and make ourselves vulnerable.

3. What I found most important for me: Loneliness causes you be more aware of others, yet also understand them less. You become more aware of social cues, yet your brain becomes terrible at deciphering their meaning. This causes you to interpret experiences as negative when, in actuality, they are likely merely neutral or even positive. This causes you to perceive the world and others as more hostile, which causes you to isolate and insulate yourself more, which causes even more loneliness. In turn, this may cause you to "appear more cold, unfriendly, and socially awkward than you really are."

8:32-9:55 wrote:"You can self examine what you focus your attention on and check if you are selectively concentrating on negative things. Was this interaction with a colleague really negative or was it really neutral or even positive? What was the actual content of an interaction? What did the other person say and did they say something bad or did you add extra meaning to their words? Maybe another person was not really reacting negatively but just short on time.

"Then there are your thoughts about the world. Are you assuming the worst about others intentions? Do you enter a social situation and have already decided how it will go? Do you assume others don't want you around? Are you trying to avoid being hurt and not risking opening up? And if so, can you try to give others the benefit of the doubt? Can you just assume that they're not against you? Can you risk being open and vulnerable again?

"And, lastly: your behavior. Are you avoiding opportunities to be around others? Are you looking for excuses to decline invitations or are you pushing others away preemptively to protect yourself? Are you acting as if you're getting attacked? Are you really looking for new connections or have you become complacent with your situation?"

Now, I want to talk about being lonely while being a furry. The following is based on my own experiences in the fandom, as well as other communities. So, it may be more clumsy than my previous thoughts as it's not guided by a video or anything.

In many people's opinions (I used to feel this way as well until very recently), the furry fandom at it's worst can sometimes be a glorified popularity contest between people to see who can be the most energetic extrovert. This opinion stems from feelings of inadequacy, some envy, and, yes, loneliness.

So many people, including myself at times, feel bad because they aren't popular. They don't get as many favorites, watchers, or comments as they'd like. But, like loneliness, everyone feels this way at some point. The feeling of going unnoticed, of being unappreciated, is also a universal human experience. Literally everyone will experience this at some point, especially if they're a content creator like an artist, writer, musician, photographer, fursuiter, fursuit maker, sculptor, or otherwise. Even everyday people, and even furs who provide the vital role of appreciating the work of others, will feel this way.

But, I want to say a gentle reminder. Something that I feel like everyone feeling this way, including me sometimes, needs to hear.

Attention — numbers on a screen, the amount of followers, watchers, favorites, comments, retweets, reblogs, patrons, subscribers, or upvotes you get — can't fix you. [

I'm going to quote a few things from this post on Reddit. (Disclaimer: The community it's apart of is NSFW and not suitable for minors. If you're comfortable with that, I would recommend reading it.)

When you think you’re doing well and maybe you’ve finally shaken this thing, it finds other ways of manifesting itself.

But please, just remember, if you find yourself wondering why your post didn’t get many upvotes, or why it doesn’t have any comments, or wondering why you should even bother posting when you’ll ‘never be as good as xyz’.... please know that isn't true, and you are not alone. And try to remember: You are posting because it is fun, and it feels strangely good to be vulnerable in front of strangers. And you should continue posting because there is only one you. No one else has your exact voice, mind, or fantasies. And you never know when you will be exactly what someone is looking for. Exactly what they want to hear or needed to hear in that moment. No one can replicate YOU.

Imagine the people you look up to in the fandom. Maybe they regularly get hundreds of favorites, tons of commissions, have one of the top post on e621 (or e926 if you prefer to keep furry SFW), have one of the best fursuits you've ever seen, or have so many followers you couldn't even imagine how you yourself would get that many. There is a 100% chance that, at some point, they have felt unworthy and not confident in the recognition they receive. Because the feelings of inadequacy never stop.

Sadness, intrusive thoughts, depression, anxiety — they're clever that way. Once you think you've solved it, they just keep coming back in a different way. Here are some thoughts I've heard from popular people in a number of communities I've been apart of. (Not real quotes, but the sentiment is there.)

"Why do people like me? I'm unworthy."

"My post was only popular because certain people much more talented than me no longer post."

"It's painfully obvious to everyone that I've cut a corner in this work. Hell, multiple corners. This is a bad, embarrassing example of my work. Why are people still liking this and not other things that are much better than I can do?"

"Who really cares about me? It's what I share that people really like. Not myself as a person. I should hurry up on my next project. At least then I'll feel validated... for a little while...."

"All this attention in the spotlight. I feel like I can never leave because I'll disappoint too many people. I feel like I can't try new, innovative things because it's not want my followers want to see. I feel stuck"

"I have all these numbers: comments favorites, and likes. But it's not enough. I still don't feel validated."

While not every content creator feels these exact things, everyone, at one point will feel something similar. My point is that everyone has baggage and that most, if not everyone, doesn't remain satisfied in most anything for a long amount of time.

This theory is called the hedonic treadmill and states that people generally become used to circumstances in their life so that they remain around the same, general happiness level at nearly all times. I don't want to get too bogged down in details (this journal is already much longer than I initially planned) but I feel this help explains why popular people often still don't feel satisfied when they and their work get a lot of attention.

A close friend recently opened my eyes to that fact that it is literally impossible for any content creator in the furry fandom to start at the top. Not even the middle shelf. Everyone has to start from somewhere and that place is at the very beginning. We're all at rock bottom with no where to go but the long journey upwards. Better get started!

So I'm sure that, if you were in a bad place when you started reading this, you're probably asking "why even create anything then if I'm never going to be satisfied?"

My answer is that we should create what we want to because it is uniquely ours. You should draw, write, and continue to fursuit because you want to and because you can share your unique self with others. No one has had the same experiences as you.

No one else has your exact voice, mind, or fantasies. And you never know when you will be exactly what someone is looking for. Exactly what they want to hear or needed to hear in that moment. No one can replicate YOU.

And, really, that's why I wrote this whole thing. I know it's long and I don't expect it to help anyone, let alone read it, but the chance that it can is such an amazing prospect for me. Also, this is for me. These are things I need to hear and I'm sure I myself will come back to read this again when I'm feeling lonely or inadequate. I decided to be nice to myself for once and actually do something for me :p

If you have read this long though, thank you so much. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments if you'd like.