Hoo boi

It's only been a month, but man, too much has happened. But I do need to get some stuff off my mind too, so...here we go!

Responsibility

So, Ima get this out of the way; I fucked up really bad with some people and I think I still am on a social-level

No, this is not a pity-party or anything. But stick with me here.

Last year was a moment of big changes for me, as a person. I really am happy to have experienced such self-actualization. In like, who I am, the things I wanna do, etc.

However, I had some people I knew that I think may have been possibly intimidated by it. Lots of weird jokes and comments about me changing who I am, comments on my mental state, people "not recognizing me", etc.

And...I did not take it well. And no, I'm not defending myself either. I frankly could have taken it a lot better.

I don't have much to add. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend there's a reason for it all, other than I can be really insecure about how I perceive myself/am perceived and I've noticed it starting to eat into other things I do with people I care for.

I could have had more patience. I could have been a bit more understanding.

Yeah...

I wish I could fix that, instead of being so heavy-handed and on-edge. I'm not sure how, but I hope I can. And if I can't, well...that's my fault for getting as angry as I did and perhaps that is what I deserve.

Still, I hope I can apologize for my actions if I have affected you in that way.

Moving!

Now...to try to steer things in a more positive direction;

As some of ya'll know, I'm moving! As I mentioned previous journal, I had the opportunity to move in with my husband and their family while he finishes up some schooling and I've decided that it would be the best option overall! I did have some concerns and I still do, but I at least won't have to pay as much as I do rn for rent + am still blasting out applications. Though, the location that they live at isn't the best for decent wages or work, unfortunately + I also still need to get a car again, because I lost my car in the divorce. That and I don't intend to ride my bike down there, because it's not a very safe place to do that!

I know Raix is a vampire and is undead, but I'm trying to not test that IRL, XD

Worst-case-scenario however, my husband is finishing his stuff up in May and the hope is to move somewhere closer to the city where there's a lot more options for me and probably will make his own work commute less-shit. Failing that, I'd like to move to a nice, northern and blue-af state for my own sanity, but we'll be working on it, once I can find some work.

Future Plans!

As ya'll noticed, I've been (and still am) am super active with my writing! I'm starting a weekly/bi-weekly short story thing focused on my doppelganger dragon, Raigengrau ( https://www.furaffinity.net/view/63849042/ ) and I've been writing some side stuff, with plans to get back to my meta-horror story and work on the outline of my main story featuring Raix.

Granted, I have work things and life stuff coming up too, so I might have to slow down a bit, but I have a plan to do a sort of alternating schedule, if need be (take one evening to relax, take the other evening to lock tf in and work on stuff), since writing and creating things has been wonderful for me.

Art, unfortunately, has slowed down considerably for me. I have a lot of stress in the background and other shit in my head, between the thing I mentioned at first + moving and job hunting stress. So, it's been difficult to sit down and try to work on art practice and not get frustrated when things aren't "clicking". Yes, I know. Practice will help overall and it takes time. But with everything going on, I've been putting more effort into the writing side of things rn, since that has always come a lot more naturally to me.

Still...my intent is to, once I move and settle a few things in my life, is to try to work more on my art practice, as well as get back into music. I'd very much like that, since I won't have a big move looming over my head and other issues.

I'll also have to work on some certifications for work stuff, so that will also eat into some time, but we'll work it out, chat.

Moving Forward

So, yeah! That's that in a nutshell. It's been a bit of a month, but I'm moving in less than a week, so I'm looking forward to that. And...I hope to try to reconnect with some people. Awkward as it may be or undeserving of such. But I hope I can.

Oh, I'm also LIVE on AO3 and SoFurry now, in terms of my stories! If you ever wanna check 'em out, I got them listed in handy collections. =D

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5683486

https://sofurry.com/u/raixsolhart/gallery

But yeah. That's it!
Stay safe out there, folks. And take care of yourselves.