Now, I don't usually do journals, but I figured I'd give an update to those whom it may concern.

As silly as it is to show up, upload a few pieces and then dip for nine or so months, I am slowly returning from my hiatus. Frankly the reason I entered one to begin with is not as clear to me as I would have liked - it was a mixture of many things unfurling all at once: real life priorities, creative block, general lack of my own interest in drawing, as well as pursuing other hobbies that I have found myself to be much more engaged in. And thusly before I realized it, I was already a few months into my torpor, unable to healthily deal with the nearing pileup and regretting to have lost the discipline that I've worked hard on when it came to drawing consistently. It was saddening for me to realize that, and, as you'd expect, it's not easy to return knowing that you have already lost your motivation and your skill (I say skill lightly given that I'm not a professional artist by any measure) has decayed. I'm sure most artists reading this can relate to a degree and have perhaps been through something similar. I could also go on a tangent about how difficult it is to stay motivated while dealing with mental disorders, but that's not the point of this journal entry.

My catatonic state over the course of these last 8 months has not been a pleasurable experience, but the hindsight makes my return all the more exciting for me personally. A tiny speck in this community that I may be, I am nevertheless feeling a fraction of my determination to do my part come back to me. A large role in bringing my motivation back was played by my fellow gooey kin -   wastelander_drex and   jellycave77 , who both have been kind enough to draw my Rhahirr as part of their own series of art pieces. If you're following me, chances are you already know who they are. Words cannot describe how elated I felt on both occasions, which has prompted me to ponder meticulously about how sweet it was to be a part of something as welcoming. As my followers/readers are most likely aware, there is a nice little community dwelling on FA, full of gooey critters not unlike myself, Drex, Jelly, Gooeyark, Aver etc, to name a few. I may not have contributed much to said community yet, but I can say with certainty that it was delightful to observe as it came together.

And thus, I have at last found the courage to admit to myself that I'm yearning to get back to drawing gooey folks and being a part of this too. I would love to return the favor and make some art for my fellow slimes, as well as make some more things for my goo bear. I'll confess that a part of my reluctance stemmed from the complications of my drawing style - having grown used to focusing on a somewhat realistic look, it's easy to accidentally forego other basic art skills, such as anatomy knowledge for instance, and then plummet into the depths of creative block when you realize that your art doesn't look even remotely as presentable as your personal unrealistic standard dictates it should. But once again, Drex and Jelly have been an inspiration to me in this regard - their styles are quite simple, but effective and absolutely endearing. Most importantly, they are remarkably consistent, which is something I myself can only dream of achieving currently.

Last night, I dusted off my graphics tablet, got my glove on and started sketching things. And so I sketched for a little bit. Then I had a cute idea, grabbed some references and explored for a few moments. Had some coffee and a chat about this with a friend, and while I did so, more ideas started flooding in. I felt excited. I've made a doodle of my bear cuddling with a friend (which I won't post, it's just too embarrassing for me to share sketches). Pondered a little. Figured I might as well turn a doodle into an actual piece, which is what I'm doing presently. Will anything come out of it? Who knows. But now that I've put the effort to commit to returning, even if this particular piece doesn't work out for me, I'll draw something else, and will do my best to maintain the momentum. The experience reminded me of how sweet it is to find joy in the simpler things - even if the doodle looked silly and rough, it still meant a lot to me to see the idea in my head manifest itself in the world, it's practically addicting.

Therefore, I intend to keep going.

Thank you for listening to this bear's ramblings. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments if you have been through something similar as well - I'd imagine that a lot of beginner artists go through this stage sooner or later.