Dude,

Lemme tell you guys, much of the animal kingdom is just lame. There's a lotta cool stuff but there's a lotta dumb stuff too.

Like, take birds. Most birds are so lame that they can't carry anything. They weigh like 1/2 a friggin ounce (don't actually write me, quoting birds' weights please--no need to show your freaky side to me). Anyway, they weigh so damn little, they can't pick stuff up and carry it around.

That'd be cool and all, since most animals just eat stuff and then that's that, but, like, they gotta keep building their dumb nests and going to feed their kids--both tasks taking forever because they gotta do it bit by bit. And, what do they do to feed kids? Well, they just throw up in their mouths. Happy birthdaaayayUGgGHHH (barfing sound)

Oh and here's the kicker: when a kid falls out of the nest, what do they do? They go, "Oh well. Guess I don't have that kid anymore," because they can't carry the dumb thing back up.

Fuck that.

Cats are stupid, too. There's this tiny cupboard-like thing I have under my sink with two shelves that are so small you an just lie a bottle of wine down in them. I opened it the other day and my cat makes this insane noise and runs full-throttle over to jump up into the upper shelf. Well, that's all good and all, but she didn't have room to turn around.

I dunno if you know this, oh reader, but animals loathe walking backwards. It's, like, impossible for them! Seriously, you wanna test that shit? Walk backwards through the room near your cat. He'll probably look at you like you're Moses parting the Red Sea or somethin'.

Anyway, what a dumbass. She just sat there with her head against the back wall hollering. I'm thinking, "if a hole opened up in the ground suddenly, would you just fuckin jump down it or something?!!"

Little things like that bug me, that's all.

Here's the king of lame: the sea louse. Did you see this thing? The female looks like a big tube of green paste or something. The male looks kinda like some evil spider thing and just sits around in a burrow, waiting to catch femmes. He has his way with them for his 1/2 second of ecstacy, and then fuckin collects them like beer cans in his little cave, just like discarded rubbish. They sit there and babies grow up in them, then EAT THE MOTHER TO DEATH.

What the hell is that stupid plan?

Man.... That's like a weird animal kingdom revenge for male black widows? I dunno. If I were a black widow I'd live to be like 100 fucking years old or something; I'd be the oldest damned spider ever just because I wouldn't have sex with those big stupid femmes.

Oh well I've rambled enough. Journals are rad. I wonder if this was too long--or if it had anything to do with "furriness" or whatever....

--????? The Mystery Poster! Oh wait you're already at my profile so you know who I am. Curses.